


Remember This Moment With Me

by colormyheartred



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, F/M, Young Captain Hook | Killian Jones/Young Emma Swan, daddy killian
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-02
Updated: 2016-07-01
Packaged: 2018-07-11 19:40:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 25,251
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7067392
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/colormyheartred/pseuds/colormyheartred
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The one where Emma’s in prison but Killian’s waiting for her when she gets out.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

She’s been his best friend for most of his life.

Group home to group home, they were inseparable. He kept the bullies at bay when she was small and she hit one boy when he picked a fight with Killian, something that surprised him, but he’d grinned wildly at the blonde girl with the brave, brave soul.

Everywhere they went, they’d carve their names into a tree: Jones and Swan. A couple of unwanted, unloved misfits.

On his eighteenth birthday he left her side. That was his first mistake.

The second was this: Emma Swan ran away. Emma Swan ran away and he didn’t go after her.

Now, staring at her from across the glass, he clenches his jaw and tightens a fist. He hadn’t known  _this_ would happen.

She’s miserable, bags under her eyes, her hair a mess, her body thinned, her lips chapped. She manages a weak smile at him, though.

“Hey, Killian,” she says through the phone.

He swallows the lump in his throat and exhales shakily. “Hi, Swan.”

Emma blinks a few times and shakes her head as she bites down on her lip. She averts her gaze, looking down at the table she’s shackled to. “Killian, I’m… pregnant.”

His heart sinks a bit in his chest as he stares at her. He doesn’t flinch at her news, just tightens his fist a bit. “Was he-”

“Yeah.” She scoffs, shaking her head again. She dares to look up at him. Emma has tears in her eyes. He doesn’t think he’s ever seen her so vulnerable.  “I just want to leave. This place sucks.”

He sighs. “I know, love.”

For a moment, they stare at one another. “I’m going to be here for eleven months. I’m sorry I ran. I’m sorry I didn’t wait for you to come get me, Killian.”

She has tears running down her cheeks and he shuts his eyes, wishing he could reach out and brush them away.  

“Emma, shh, it’s okay,” he promises. “I’m right here. I’m not leaving you.”

Emma bites down on her cracked, dry lip and releases a heavy breath. “I miss your hugs the most.”

He can’t help but laugh. “You’ll get one in eleven months.”

She smiles a little. “I can’t wait.”

Killian leans forward a little and presses his hand to the glass barrier between them. Emma stares at his hand and then lifts hers to press against it.

“I’ll come every week to talk with you. I want to see you smile more. I don’t want to see those bags under your eyes, either.”

Emma laughs once. “Listen, you’d be tired too if your cellmate was a sleeptalker.”

He can’t help but chuckle, his smile fading as he gazes at her. “Emma, I need you to know that I’m here waiting for you.”

She nods. Their hands move off of the glass.

“Why?” She whispers. “You could go anywhere, Killian. You’re old enough, right? What happened to sailing the world? Hunting for gold like a pirate?”

He stares at her silently. “How can you think I’m anything but hopelessly in love with you?“

Emma blinks and shakes her head. “What?”

“Come on, Swan,” he smiles, his heart beating faster. “It’s always been you. From the very first day we met. We’re unstoppable together. When I got older I realized it. You’re brave and strong and I never stood a chance against you.” 

She stares at him with her jaw slackened and he swallows before he continues, “You’re my best friend, but you never saw the way I stared after you when you left the room or heard how loud my heart beat those nights you curled up next to me in the group home in Michigan.”

And maybe it’s his third mistake, admitting his feelings to Emma Swan while she’s taken up residence in prison, but he thinks he sees something in her eyes. Something like hope.

“I… don’t know what to say,” she tells him.

“I know you don’t love me,” he says. “But I needed you to know how I felt because I spent two years looking for you when you ran and my feelings for you were the only thing that kept me going. So, maybe you can find something to hold onto as well. If not me, then, maybe your child. Or… _him_. I don’t know.”

The guards behind them start to move and he cringes. “Bloody hell. It’s time to go. I guess. I’ll see you in a week.”

Emma stares at him, her mouth hanging open, and just before he hangs up his phone, she says, “I love you, too.”

He smiles at her as she starts to be escorted away and she stares at him with a pleasant, _happy_ smile on her lips until she’s gone.


	2. Chapter 2

He’s working two jobs. He’s so tired most days that he wants to lie down for a day and a half, but he has a strict schedule and he clings to it.

He counts the days on the wall calendar hanging beside his mattress in the crappy apartment he’s renting. There are red circles over the days he gets paid. There are red hearts over the days he gets to see Emma.

Those are the days he’s working his arse off for. He wants to be the best man he can be, so that when she comes out of prison, he can support her until she can get onto her feet.

Lately, she’s been moody, and she sometimes doesn’t want to talk about much.

She’s told him details of her life in prison and it’s a sad thing, knowing she’s all alone in a place with so many people. She’s told him about what happened when she ran, with tears in her eyes, and explained that the man who did this to her, put her in prison without having committed the crime, is long gone by now.

She has car keys and a swan keychain waiting for her when she’s released, but that’s all she’ll have from the man, apparently.

Well, in addition to the baby.

She’s taken to calling it the name of the vegetable or fruit that it most closely resembles now in weight and size, something that she reads up on in the library before coming to see him. She’s apparently taking classes in order to pass the time. They’re mandated for women who are pregnant, but she seems to enjoy not having to sit in her cell all day.

He’s sitting in his usual chair, jiggling his leg under the table anxiously. It’s been a week since he’s seen her and he _missed_ her.

When she’s escorted into the room and seated in front of him, he takes a moment to soak in how beautiful she is. Her features are fuller, warmer, and she has lost the bags under her eyes. She’s glowing due to pregnancy, but she refuses to believe him when he tells her that.

Her belly is well rounded now as she nears her due date. Often, he’s wished he could press his hand to it, to feel the child within her stir, to press his lips to her bellybutton and whisper stories to the wee babe that grows there.

She hasn’t told him of her plans for it, not yet. He does think she might keep it, but some days, she acts as if she’d rather give it up.

Emma grabs her phone and he lifts his, a soft smile on his lips.

“Hi Killian,” she says.

“Hey, Swan.”

She wears a frown as they sit there and her eyes seem glassy with unshed tears.

“What is it, love?”

Emma shakes her head, forcing a smile. “Um… it’s a butternut squash today. That’s how big it is.” She sighs. “Definitely feels like it.”

He chuckles. “It’ll be over soon enough.”

Her smile falls and she bites down on her lip. “They just told me that when the baby comes I’ll have to make a decision. If I want to keep it or give it up.”

Killian shakes his head. “What do you want to do?”

Emma sighs heavily, dropping her gaze to the butternut squash. “I… if I keep it, I can’t have it here with me. It would have to go to…” She looks up at him, and his heart starts racing. “They’d give it to a friend or family member.”

He swallows. He looks down at the table and takes a breath. “Swan, if you want me to take care of your child until you’re out, then I will.”

Emma shakes her head. “Killian, I can’t ask you to do that.”

“Why not?” He asks. “When you get out, where were you planning on going?”

She stares at him and closes her eyes. “That’s three months with a baby that doesn’t even belong to you.”

“No,” he says quickly. “No, Emma, I will take care of your child because I love you and your happiness is always important to me. So if you think keeping your baby will be its best chance, if you want to love it and give it the home you never had, I’ll be here.”

She blinks free a single tear. “Killian-”

“Swan, I just… I just want you.” He shakes his head. “I want you to come home with me. If that’s with a baby, I would be honored to help you raise it. You and I both know what the system is like.”

She nods vigorously. “Yeah.” She sniffles. “Okay. You can take care of it for three months and then I’ll be released.”

He smiles softly. “And we’ll be together again.”

Emma smiles in response, tears welling up in her eyes all over again. “Yeah.”

He wants, more than anything, to hold her, so he simply presses his hand to the glass and she does the same.

“I’ll have to find a new apartment,” he says. “The one I’m at now is a bit of a pigsty. No place for a little one.”

She swallows. “I thought you were saving up so we could go travel the world.”

He laughs. “We still can, love. But first, let’s have a baby, hm?”

Emma smiles, a real smile, and her laughter is pleasant in his ear. “Yeah. Let’s have a baby.”

///

He’s sitting up late, building a crib in the new place.

The thing about having a baby is that you have to prepare for it. And because he wasn’t sure what Emma wanted until about two months ago, he hasn’t been able to devote nearly as much time as he would’ve liked to decorating and creating the perfect nursery.

The nursery isn’t completely finished, but he thinks he has all of the basics.

He has piles of clothes he’d purchased at a thrift store and diapers that fill the closet. He’s got a car seat and a changing table and there are a hundred and one other little things he has because all of the books and online sites say that this is what you _need_ when you have a baby.

Not that he truly knows.

He gets a phone call as he’s staring at the newly assembled crib come the first rays of morning light and he’s immediately on high alert, scrambling to answer.

Emma had the baby. It’s a boy. He’s expected to go pick him up in an hour.

_An hour_.

He hasn’t even showered. Bloody hell.

///

_Henry_ is his name. _Henry_.

Henry has a strong grip and loud lungs. These are two things he learns as soon as he’s holding the boy for the first time.

He’s not allowed to see Emma, but he’s told that she’s fine, whatever that means, and then he’s given a set of instructions on feeding and the like, but he’s honestly just blown away because he’s holding a little baby boy in his arms.

He’s small, but his eyes shine blue when he opens his eyes, and he has a head of soft brown hair. His cries are not easily soothed, probably because he’s just been separated from his mother, and Killian can relate.

Killian brings Henry home and the car ride, oddly enough, seems to have calmed him down. He keeps a mental note of that as he’s walking around the car to get him from the backseat.

It’s interesting, to say the least, practically becoming a single father overnight. He reads every book he can and he’s often on the online forums doing research. He finds that Henry enjoys being rocked, so he ends up sitting in the rocker for a good portion of the day between changings, feedings, and naps.

It does get easier, as the days go by. He’s able to figure out a schedule with the boy, which the books say are important, and Henry doesn’t cry nearly as much as he had that first day.

One night, he discovers something online that says skin-on-skin time is important, so he sits in the rocker at bedtime after a feeding without his shirt on and presses the boy against his chest, smiling softly as he brushes a kiss to the top of his head.

“We’re going to see your mum tomorrow, Henry,” he murmurs. “She’ll be so glad to see you, I’ll bet.”

He can’t help but smile softly, kissing the top of Henry’s head again. He sings gently to him, another thing he’s found is effective in getting him to sleep, and soon enough, he’s able to lie him down for a few hours.

Killian takes the opportunity to shower and eat something himself, and then a quick nap before he’s back in the nursery, feeding the boy and sighing as he whispers to him in the quiet of the night.

///

He dresses Henry in a blue outfit to see Emma for the first time since their separation.

She’s already sitting there waiting for him when he gets to his side and she smiles at him softly as he sets Henry’s car seat down on the ground beside him.

When he’s able to examine her closely, she has tears in her tired eyes, and her warmth is completely gone. She seems to be devastated, her complexion pale as it’s ever been.

He lifts the phone and smiles at her.

“Hi Killian.”

“Hey, Swan.”

Emma blinks a few times and he grins wider, “He’s beautiful, Emma. He’s a good boy. So good.”

She starts crying and he has tears in his own eyes, because he’s exhausted mostly, but also because he _so_ wishes she could be here too. The baby is barely a week old and she’s still serving time for something she didn’t do.

“And we’re on a schedule now,” he tells her. “I’m up half the night, but we’ve at least got a good routine now.”

Emma’s tears come faster, but she smiles anyway. “That’s good.”

“Aye,” he says, wiping at his eyes. He looks down at the boy, who seems to be waking from his nap. “Emma, would you like to see him again?”

He watches her contemplate the question for a moment and then she nods. “Yeah.”

Killian swallows. “Alright. Hold on a moment.”

He sets the phone down and reaches for the carrier, hoisting it up, turning it so she can look in at her son.

He watches her reaction, her lip trembling, her forehead creasing as even more tears come. She presses her fingers against the glass and she says something that looks like, “Hi Henry.”

After a few moments, she finally looks at him and nods, as if telling him to pick up the phone again. He puts Henry back onto the floor and grabs the phone, pressing it to his ear.

“He’s getting big already,” she says, sniffling. “I’m going to miss so much.”

Killian’s heart aches. “No, Emma. Don’t talk like that. You’ve only got, what, twelve weeks left?”

She nods. “Yeah. Something like that.”

“I’ll take pictures and videos and you won’t miss anything. I promise.” He says. “Well, except all of the sleepless nights. You’re probably glad you’re not me at the moment.”

She laughs.

“I’m serious, love, he’s got the loudest cry I have ever heard.” Emma’s laughter continues and she bites down on her lip. “He’s got an appointment this afternoon so I’ll let you know how that goes next week.”

Emma nods. “Okay.”

He studies her. “How are you, Sweetheart?”

She smiles a little. “Getting by.” Her gaze drops a little. “It’s hard. It was better when he was with me. I wasn’t alone.”

Killian closes his eyes when she starts crying again. He stares at her after listening to her struggle for a couple seconds.

“Emma, listen to me, you’re almost done. It’s almost finished. You’re brave and you’re strong and I believe in you. You can do this. You just gave birth. If you don’t think you’re capable of making it a few more weeks, then I’d like to know what happened to my best friend.”

She reaches up to wipe at her eyes and smiles a little. “Okay.”

He studies her and then presses his hand to the glass for her. She settles her hand against his and he smiles. “I love you. Remember that.”

Emma nods. “I love you, too.”

///

Killian will probably never be more annoyed that Arizona isn’t near the ocean than he is when Henry is two months old and he wants to take him to the water.

However, he discovers that California is a day trip away and his temptation to break free of the _heat_ of Arizona in lieu of some salt on his skin is far too tempting, particularly when he runs out of things to do with Henry and the boy starts getting restless.

They arrive by the late afternoon and Killian wears a happy grin on his face as he climbs out of the car. He takes a few pictures of where he’s at, then goes to take his boy from the backseat.

He’s blinking at him as he holds him and Killian kisses the top of his head. “Henry, welcome to the ocean. I hope we’ll get to come here a lot more when your mum joins us. But for right now, it’s a little bit of a treat for us.”

He grabs the diaper bag as well as a hat for Henry and settles it on his head before heading to the trunk to set up the stroller.

Going to the beach with a baby is quite a bit of effort, but he’s determined, so he ends up looking probably over-prepared as he starts heading to the water.

The sand under his toes is hot but he loves the ocean breeze against his skin. Once he sets up their umbrella, he sits with Henry on the towel, letting the child rest in his arms.

He points out at the water. “That, lad, is the ocean. What do you think of it?”

Henry looks up at him after following his finger and he smiles when Henry peels back a gummy grin, something he’s just started doing.

“It’s beautiful, isn’t it?” Killian asks, his heart full as he stares at the shimmering water.

As they take in the day, Killian eventually grabs Henry and carries him to the water, only standing where the waves hit him to his ankles, and he holds Henry’s fingers as he stands there.

He finds his boy so perfectly content with this, listening to the sound of the waves, so much so that he falls asleep as Killian stands there. Killian knows people are watching him, judging him, but he doesn’t mind it at all because no one understands his situation.

He takes loads of pictures for Emma, of Henry in his beach outfit, of the water, of the sand on Henry’s little toes. He’ll show them to her when they go visit her next. He’s sure she’ll like to know they did something new.

Henry gets hungry and Killian feeds him from under their umbrella. He requires a changing, of course, and as he goes digging through the diaper bag, he realizes that he forgot to refill the wipes, so he curses under his breath and shakes his head.

“Well, your papa’s a bit of an idiot,” he says, raising his eyebrows as he stares down at the baby. “When your mum gets out, we’ll be better. It’ll be much better. Daddy won’t forget the wipes and we won’t have to leave the beach to find some.”

///

Henry gets sick.

He cries and he cries and he keeps throwing up everything Killian feeds him. It keeps Killian up, because Henry’s temperature is far too high, and he keeps _crying_ , and he just doesn’t know what on Earth he’s doing.

He’s panicked, because his boy is red and hot and his cries are harsh and _real_. He hushes him, tries singing to him, but none of it works.

He ends up taking him to the hospital at two in the morning on the day he’s supposed to go see Emma and when they arrive, the nurses and doctor only have to look at him for a few moments to tell him, “It’s the flu.”

And apparently it’s not as bad as he’d thought it might be.

But, he realizes as he finally gets Henry to sleep at eight in the morning with some medicine in him, he can’t wait for Emma to be released because being a single father to a newborn is much more difficult than he could have ever dreamed.

They don’t go see Emma that day because of the flu and every ounce of him aches because of it.

///

When Henry turns three months old, Killian buys him a pirate onesie and has him wear it to their last visit to the prison.

He’s exhausted when he sits down in his chair. Henry had been fussy and refused to sleep the night prior, so he’d spent his night moving from room to room, and eventually, they ended up going for a drive.

It had worked like a charm. Unluckily for Killian, it had been seven in the morning when they pulled into the driveway again.

He’s exhausted, but when he sees Emma again, he can easily forget about his problems. Because she’s here and she’s smiling much more than she ever has before.

He picks up his phone and she picks up hers.

“Hi Killian.”

“Hey, Swan.”

She’s so happy, it’s contagious. The apples of her cheeks glow brightly and she has pure elation in her laugh when she lets it out. “Sorry. It’s just… I’m so close.”

He nods, returning her smile with one of his own. “Aye.”

Emma nibbles on her lip. “How is he?”

“Well, he kept me up last night,” Killian laughs. “Apparently it’s time for strictly night sleeping and I have never been more elated about that, but he’s on the opposite schedule.”

Emma laughs. “Oh no.”

“Aye,” Killian shakes his head. “But, he’s been holding his head up a bit more and he loves tummy time more than anything. You should see him when I put him on the blanket for that.”

Emma’s laughter is sweet and Killian grins happily. “And he’s not crying nearly as much lately. Which is lovely. He’s started babbling quite often. Maybe he’ll talk to you while we’re here. Let’s see.”

Killian sets his phone down and reaches down into the carrier to take the boy into his arms. Emma smiles at him and he does smile in return.

“Look, there’s mummy,” Killian says, pointing at her. “Would you like to say hello?”

He grabs the phone and pulls it close to Henry. Henry looks at the phone and then up at him, poking the speaker. “Ah oh ah,”

Killian grins. “Yeah? Mummy, do you hear that?”

He looks up at Emma and she has tears in her eyes, happy ones, as she nods.

“Can you say, ‘I love you’, Henry?” Henry babbles in response and Killian nods. “Very good, lad.”

Killian reaches down to stroke at his hair and his boy grabs at his wrist, making him chuckle as he lifts the phone to his ear.

“He’s a pirate today, did you see?”

Emma nods. “Yeah. He looks really cute.”

Killian beams. “Well, I try.”

She rolls her eyes. “How are you, Killian?”

He smiles. “Good. Tired. I miss you.” He stares at her, his heart heavy. “So, so impossibly much.”

Emma sighs. “I miss you too.”

He hasn’t thought about what will happen when she gets out, at least what will happen between them as a pair, because what’s been on his mind is Henry and Henry’s well-being, so he’s mostly busied himself with thoughts of what he can do better with him.

Now, as he’s staring at her, he realizes that they’ve admitted their love for each other more than a few times, he’s caring for her boy as if he were his own, and yet, they haven’t had the proper time to explore this relationship.

She appears to be in thought as much as he is.

“Emma, when you get out, I don’t… I don’t want you to think we’ve got to jump into anything. I know consequences here are different and difficult, but I told you that I love you because I do and I’m willing to wait as long as it takes for us to figure out what that means.”

Emma licks her lips. “It’s definitely going to be different.”

It’s all she says on the matter and he knows he shouldn’t get his hopes up for anything to truly change for them any time soon.

///

The morning of Emma’s release day, Killian spends hours looking over the entire apartment.

He’d cleaned it over the past few days, from top to bottom. He’d stocked up the guest bedroom where she’ll be staying with new sheets and pillows, fluffy ones he’s certain she’ll adore, and her walls are a pleasant shade of blue.

He found some clothes to stock up her closet and dresser drawers and shoes, but he knows they’ll have to go shopping properly when she comes home.

He has a bag of things for her to change into sitting on the sofa alongside the diaper bag and some snacks she’d said she was craving.

The kitchen is fully stocked with everything she could possibly want. All he needs is for her to come join them.

Henry’s babbling as he carries him out to the car and he chuckles. “We’re going to pick up your mum. I’m quite excited.” He pauses, opening the car door. “And nervous.”

He settles Henry down in the back of his car and stares at him for a moment as he lifts his foot and grabs it.

Killian can’t help but feel sad that this chapter of his life is over, because while it had been more painful than he would have liked, he did learn quite a bit about himself, and being a father to Henry was _incredible_.

He lowers a kiss to the top of his head. “I love you, Henry.”

Part of him has no idea if Emma will even stay the night tonight, if she’ll take one look around and run again, taking Henry with her, or if she’ll stay and let them become a family.

It’s what has butterflies in his belly and he kisses the top of Henry’s head once again before he squeezes his tiny fingers and smiles at him. “All right. Time to go get your mum.”

///

When she emerges from the building, he can’t keep the smile from his face. She has one on hers as well, a wobbly one, and she picks up her speed until she’s running, straight into him, her body colliding into his with a bone-shaking _thud_.

He wraps his arms around her and squeezes her as firmly as he can, burying his face in her hair, his eyes closed so impossibly tight.

“Oh, Emma,” he whispers.

She pulls back, but only enough that she can meet his eyes. She laughs softly, happily, and her arms hold him closer.

“Hi Killian,” she finally says.

“Hey, Swan.”

He drops his forehead to hers and her arms wrap around his neck, fingers tangling in his hair. “Oh, I missed you.”

Emma’s breath is shaky and he pulls back after a moment, turning slightly to the car they’re standing in front of.

“I think someone would really like to see you.”

Her lips go into her mouth and she has tears in her eyes when she nods.

Killian slips away from her to open up the backseat. He reaches in for the boy, her son, and groans slightly, “You’re so heavy, lad. What’ve I been feeding you?”

Emma laughs a little as he steps back toward her. She examines Henry for a moment as he rests in Killian’s arms and then looks up at him, as if asking if it’s okay.

He nods, smiling softly.

She reaches her thin fingers in to take her son from him and her eyes leak tears as she breathes, seemingly out of relief, holding her baby boy against her chest, her fingers finding his.

“Hey, baby,” she whispers. “I’m your mommy. I’m your mom. I love you so much.”

Emma’s brow creases and she looks up at him, panic in her eyes. He smiles comfortingly at her. “You’re doing a great job, Swan.”

She releases a shaky laugh. “I’m scared.”

“Don’t be,” he replies, leaning in to kiss her forehead. “I’m here. I’m not leaving you.”


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I just want to thank you for reading and supporting this story! I had originally written it as a oneshot answer to a prompt and somehow it expanded into this. I might consider writing more, but only if there's interest! I hope you enjoy this final part!

The ride back home is quiet. It’s a bit awkward, too, with Emma sitting beside him, staring out at the world, her fingers flexing on her knees.

He licks his lips and exhales. “What do you want to do first?”

She turns, looking away from the window and at him, her eyes wide and her mouth hanging open.

He raises an eyebrow playfully. “Come on, haven’t you thought about all of the possibilities? You’re free. You can do whatever you’d like.”

Emma shakes her head. “Honestly, I just want to have a shower and eat something that doesn’t remind me of prison.”

Killian chuckles. He glances down at her feet. “There are Pringles in that bag. Oreos too. You said you were craving those a few weeks ago.”

She gets a rather excited look on her face, reaching down to open up the bag. Emma laughs as she tears into the Pringles and at her first crunch, he looks over at her, grinning.

“So?”

Emma moans happily, throwing her head back. “Just like I remembered.”

He continues to smile as he looks ahead of them. Henry decides to start fussing then, making Killian frown, glancing into the mirror that looks down at him.

“What is it, lad?”

He scrunches up his face and Killian sighs. “It looks like he’s hungry too.” He hesitates, glancing at the time. “We’ll be home in half an hour, but I don’t think he can wait. He gets awfully cranky when he doesn’t eat.”

He signals to pull off to the side of the road, and then he looks at Emma and tips his head back.

It’s awkward now that they’re both here, because he doesn’t have to do _everything_ , but Emma doesn’t know how to do anything at all and he’s very aware of that as he stares at her.

“Would you like to feed him or should I?”

Emma hesitates, clearly uncertain of herself and her abilities.

“You don’t have to. I’ll do it. It’s fine.”

He’s quick getting out of the car. He grabs Henry’s bottle from the diaper bag and presses it between his lips, earning them silence as he suckles on his food.

Killian smiles as he watches Henry eat and he takes his free hand to stroke back his hair as his little eyes start to close.

“That’s good, isn’t it? You’re going to be so big and strong.”

He feels Emma’s eyes on him and he smiles softly at her. She has a frown on her lips, her eyes sad, and he hates it because it’s not fair that this has happened to her.

She’s still only eighteen years old, having celebrated her birthday in prison, and her life has already had so much heartache in it.

It doesn’t take very long for Henry to fall asleep and Killian sighs as he puts the cap on the bottle.

“We’ll regret this later. He’s going to want to stay awake late tonight.”

He gets back into the driver’s seat and starts up the car again, heading for home.

Emma doesn’t eat or speak for the rest of the trip. She simply stares out at the surroundings and once they get parked, she follows his lead.

He carries Henry and the diaper bag to the door and he grins at her as he unlocks it. “Well, this is it.”

She smiles a little. “It’s nice.”

“Aye. Costs a fortune to rent out but it’s worth it.”

He pushes the door open and he walks in first, Henry leading the way, and he steps to the side to let Emma in.

She studies everything with a blank expression on her face. He walks her down the hall, showing her the living room and kitchen, then his bedroom, the bathroom, and when he gets to her room, he smiles a little bit.

“So, I made up a room for you. It’s not much but, I think it’ll suit you.”

Emma walks into the room and finally smiles, just a little, as she sits on the bed. “I’ve never actually had a bedroom that was _mine_.”

Killian nods. “Aye, love, I know.” He tilts his head back. “Come. Henry’s room is just across the hall.”

He goes in first, taking Henry out of his seat and settling him into the crib. He’s still asleep, thankfully.

When Killian turns, Emma enters the room and she gets a sad look on her face, tears in her eyes as she smiles so weakly.

“This is it, huh?”

He nods. “Aye.”

“It’s perfect,” she says, her fingers against the edge of the crib.

She leans over it, staring down at her son. She stands there for a few moments and he just watches her, as the tears finally come sliding down her cheeks.

Emma sniffles as she looks up at him. He reaches out, wiping at her cheeks, and her fingers find his, holding him there as she stares at him.

“Killian, I don’t know how to do anything for him. I don’t know anything.”

He shakes his head. “You don’t need to know anything. I didn’t when I first brought him home. It just takes time and adjusting.”

She takes a breath, keeping her eyes on him, and releases his hands, stepping forward so she can wrap her arms around him and press her ear against his chest. He pulls his arms tight around her, leaning his head against hers.

It feels so, so good holding her in his arms. Having her here, with he and Henry, is everything he has wanted for the past several months and now it’s finally happening.

Before he’d found her, she was just the girl he thought couldn’t ever share the feelings he has for her now. He’d thought she thought him her friend, as he had, but he’d seen more in her, had longed for her from a young age.

He’s only barely three years older than her, so having feelings for her had been easy when she’d been his closest friend for so long.

In addition to having soft, soft skin, and long flowing hair that bounced when she walked, her laughter has always reminded him of sweet melodies and the way she used to tease with him had been the kind of banter he could easily confuse for flirtation.

And now, after eleven months in the penal system, after running for two years, after giving birth to a baby boy and having to give him up almost immediately, Emma Swan has changed. She’s lost some of that softness from her features, lost the tendency to laugh, and he knows she needs time to heal.

He just doesn’t know how he can help her.

If they’re going to be parents to Henry, somehow they have to find a balance, because Henry isn’t as familiar with his mother as he is with him, and there are so many challenges that stand in the way of Emma finally having happiness.

“I don’t want you to think you’re unwelcome here,” he says. “I want you to feel at home here. So if you want to move things, feel free. Or if you want to go buy things, we’ll go get things.” He closes his eyes. “I’m just so happy you’re here, Emma, and I want this to be an easy transition.”

She releases him and he reluctantly allows her to, meeting her eyes right away. She smiles a little. “Thank you. For everything.”

“Aye,” he breathes, reaching up to brush her hair back. “I would do it all again if I had the chance.”

Emma swallows, averting her gaze to the crib. “How long until he wakes up do you think?”

He lifts his eyebrows and shakes his head. “Hard to say.”

She stares at the little boy as he slumbers, rather than at him. “Do you think it’d be okay if I took that shower?”

Killian shrugs. “I don’t see why not.”

///

She has to work hard to scrub prison off of her.

Killian’s bathroom is quaint and warm and it smells like vanilla, which makes her smile a little.

As she stands under the scalding hot water, allowing it pulsate against her back while she stares at the tile wall, Emma considers where she is and how she got here.

She’s standing in the middle of Killian’s apartment, in his shower, while her baby sleeps just down the hallway.

Emma feels emotionally on edge, due to a lot of things, honestly.

Finally leaving the hellhole that was prison, getting to hold her baby for the first time since she gave birth to him, hugging Killian- _God_ , she doesn’t even know where they stand relationally right now- and not to mention not knowing a single thing about parenting or being Henry’s mom, despite the fact that she _is_ his mom- it’s all so overwhelming.

Tears come freely and the lump in her throat is hard as she swallows down. She sinks to the tub and curls her legs to her chest as she sits on the floor, allowing the water turn tepid as she rocks and sobs.

Emma presses her pruned fingertips to her face and wipes her eyes, then tucks the strands of thick dark hair behind her ears.

Emma sniffles and manages to stand up on two feet, then grabs the loofa and lathers some soap up in it so she can scrub her body down again quickly in the cool water.

She then grabs the shampoo Killian had purchased for her, something that manages to make her smile weakly, because it’s something he’d asked her to tell him her preferences of things she wanted to see and have when she came home.

 _Home_. It’s such a strange word. She hasn’t ever had a home that’s been hers before. She hasn’t ever had a true family before, aside from Killian as they grew up, and then, she’d _thought_ , Neal was her family.

Not anymore. Now she just has the stupid keychain he’d left her, the beat up old Bug twice stolen, and a little baby boy that looks so much like him that it actually filled her with grief the moment she’d realized that awful fact.

Emma shuts the water off after conditioning her hair and washing it clean. Then, she dries her skin and wraps her hair up in the towel as she steps up to the mirror and counter.

She’d chosen some comfy clothes from the dresser in her room and as she looks through the medicine cabinet and drawers to discover things Killian had purchased for her.

A smile fills her cheeks and she blushes a bit when she finds the variety of lotions and deodorants and brushes waiting for her. He apparently wasn’t sure which to buy for her and instead decided to go all out.

God, she loves him.

The thought should scare her, but she’s admitted her feelings for him for nearly a year now, but it’s not like they’ve been able to pursue these feelings with so much distance between them.

Emma brushes her teeth and takes her time combing her hair after she dresses in the fresh clothes. She applies some lotion and uses the hair dryer to get her hair just a little bit drier so she can throw it up above her head, and with one last lingering look in the mirror, Emma takes a deep breath.

She looks exhausted. She looks worn down. She looks like she just got out of prison.

Emma’s heart starts beating faster and she presses her hands over her face and shakes her head.

“It’s okay,” she whispers, “I’m going to be okay. I’m okay here. Deep breaths. Deep breaths. Okay.”

When she opens the bathroom door, she clutches her clothes to her chest and shuts off the light. She hears the television humming lowly from somewhere nearby and she walks out to find Killian sitting on the couch with a bowl of popcorn beside him.

He smiles just a little at her and she mirrors him, lifting her fingers up to wave at him.

“How was it?” he asks.

“Good.”

Emma swallows and nibbles on her lip, glancing toward the television. She doesn’t recognize the show that’s on, and she realizes with a twinge of sadness that she’s missed quite a bit in the year she’s been missing from the world.

She looks away from the screen, avoiding Killian entirely, and goes to her bedroom, closing the door behind her.

Her tears come back as soon as she sits down on the edge of her new bed. She stares at her bedroom and tries to be thankful for it, but instead feels nothing but regret and brokenness.

She was sent to prison for something she didn’t do, for a man she’d thought she was in love with. He’s long gone, and she could never be happier for that fact, but she’s been angry for eleven months about it, and sitting here in her new bedroom, she realizes that it’s over.

It’s over, but the heartache isn’t gone like she’d hoped it would be. She’d hoped that being able to go home with Killian and Henry would make it better. That maybe, she’d be able to find solace in the fact that she’s with the two people in her whole life that have done nothing but love her and want her.

But that isn’t the case. She feels just as worn and broken as ever, and she doesn’t know how she’ll ever be able to feel _normal_ again.

She just wants to be normal again.

Emma curls up onto her side on her bed and stares at the wall of the room. It smells like flowers and the bed is _so_ comfortable.

It’s really no wonder she falls asleep.

She dreams about a life without prison and without Neal. She dreams about Killian Jones laughing and smiling with her, and she wishes it could last forever.

///

Killian goes to Henry’s room to grab him as soon as he wakes up.

He settles him down on his belly in the living room and sits with him, playing with his fingers as he holds his head up.

“Henry,” Killian murmurs, “you have to be kind to your mum. She’s new to this and I know she’s afraid she’ll mess it up. But I know she’ll do well. She loves you.”

A few moments later, as if on cue, Emma exits her bedroom. She steps out into the living room and pulls on the long sleeves of her shirt, a small smile on her tired face.

“Sorry,” she murmurs groggily. She wipes her hand over her forehead and then joins him on the floor. She sits on the opposite side of Henry, staring down at the little boy. “I fell asleep.”

“That’s alright,” Killian says, staring only at her.

She’s bloody gorgeous up close. And she smells even better than he remembers. It’s been quite some time since they’ve been this close and he isn’t sure how to handle it. His fingers twitch in his lap and he can’t seem to rip his eyes away from her.

“You were tired,” he adds.

Emma shrugs. Her fingers rest in her lap as she stares at her son and she seems wary of him, so Killian says, “If you want to hold him, you can.”

“I know,” she practically snips out, and Killian sucks in a breath as she continues to just stare down at the little boy.

He knows it’s not supposed to be easy, but he thought it would be at least a little bit _easier_ than this.

Emma refuses to help him when he offers moments for her to intervene, and when Henry starts crying when he’s hungry closer to bedtime, she doesn’t want to even be in the same room as he is.

Killian feeds Henry and puts him to bed on his own and then walks to Emma’s bedroom.

Her door is shut, but the light is on, and he leans against the doorframe as he raps his knuckles against it.

“Swan,” he murmurs. “Darling, can I come in?”

Emma is quiet. Then, he hears her voice, timid and soft, “Yeah.”

Killian opens the door and finds Emma sitting on the edge of her bed, running her fingers over the baby blanket she’d been found in on the side of the road. She stares down at it, not at him, and Killian enters the room.

He falls to his knees in front of her and finds tears in her eyes when she sniffles. She doesn’t look at him, not even a little.

“Emma,” he says softly. “Sweetheart, look at me.”

She does, but just barely.

“Killian,” she murmurs, her eyes falling closed. “I don’t know how to do this. Any of it.”

Killian shakes his head. He reaches up to wipe the tears from her cheeks and she leans her weight into his palm. “Do you want to talk about it?”

She takes a heavy breath as she sets her blanket down beside her. “Right after you left I… I didn’t know what to do with myself, so I just started to run and I ended up in Portland where I met this guy.” She chokes on it and bites down on her lip. “He was… funny and charming and he promised me he could give me a home, and I guess… without you around, I didn’t have anything to call home, and it sounded really good, you know?”

Killian nods in understanding. He reaches up for one of her hands and Emma shrugs her shoulders heavily.

“We were going to run away to Florida,” she tells him. “He just had this one job he had to do that would get us the cash to do it and… I was just at the wrong place at the wrong time that night when he left me with one of the watches he was supposed to trade. And they took me to jail and I was given eleven months.”

Killian knows the story. She’d told it to him once at the beginning of her sentence through tears and heavy sighs.

“I’m sorry I left you. I shouldn’t have.” Killian tells her.

Emma searches his eyes and scoffs. “Yeah. Then this wouldn’t have happened. I wouldn’t have been locked up for a year and have a baby that belongs to a complete asshole.” She bites on her lip. “I was angry with him. But then you came and you took care of me and you took care of Henry.”

She squeezes his hand. “And I love you,” she whispers, “but I don’t know what it means.”

His heart skips a beat at her words, even though he’s heard them several times. “You don’t have to know,” he tells her.

Emma takes the hand on her face and draws it to her lips, giving his palm a tender kiss. His heart flutters again.

“We’ve been friends our whole lives,” Killian tells her. “I think we can take things as slow as we want to.”

Emma nods her head briskly and smiles softly. “Yeah.”

There’s a moment where Emma just stares at him. She swallows and removes her hand from his, allowing him to wipe away her tears. Then he lets his hand fall away and stares up at her lovingly.

“Your hands are so strong,” she laughs suddenly, giving his hand a squeeze.

Killian smiles and her laughter subsides quickly, instead fading into a frown.

“How can I be Henry’s mom if I wasn’t there at the beginning?” she asks, her voice timid and soft. “I’m so scared, Killian. I’m scared I won’t do it right. I’m scared he’ll hate me.”

Killian shakes his head. “Don’t worry about it, love. I’ll show you how it works. Henry won’t hate you, I promise. By the end of the week you’ll be a natural, yeah?”

Emma manages to smile again and it brings sheer light to his soul as she nods her head. “Yeah. Okay.”

///

She doesn’t get into the swing of things right away. It takes a little while, but it’s okay, because she has all the time in the world.

Killian is impossibly patient with her and thankfully, so is Henry.

Killian stays up with her in the middle of the night to teach her the first night, and by the end of the week, when Henry cries at three in the morning for a feeding, Killian just stands in the doorway while she sits in the rocking chair with a bottle pressed to his lips.

Killian has her read the books that he’d read at the beginning of this and she goes online to research other things. It feels like catching up months too late, but she can’t change the past.

And it’s okay.

She’s not a master at being Henry’s mom, but at least she’s learning. She can hold him without him crying and melting down. She can feed him and change him and put him to sleep.

She can successfully leave the house with him, too, and had one morning when Killian asked her to try it out.

She’d come back a few hours later with a bag of groceries and a very content baby. Killian had awarded her the biggest, widest grin, and they’d embraced in the middle of the kitchen. He’d kissed her cheek sweetly and Emma had giggled, feeling lighter than she had in a long while.

Every day since then has been impossibly lighter.

Maybe, just maybe, it’s possible for her to heal.

“You should try skin-to-skin contact,” Killian says to her one night as she’s holding Henry on the couch. She sees the moment where he realizes what he’s saying, and he reaches up to scratch behind his ear as his cheeks go red and warm. “It’ll… it’ll help him bond with you. Or, well, it helped me bond with him at the beginning.”

Emma smiles a little at his suggestion and nods her head. “We did it at the hospital the night he was born.”

She bites down on her lip as she stares at the little boy who clings a fist in her shirt.

That night, she sits in his nursery and decisively pulls her shirt off so she can allow Henry to fall asleep pressed against the skin of her chest. She isn’t let down.

As she’s sitting there with Henry stretching out his arm against her, she smiles, because this is as close as she’s felt to him in the entire time she’s been out of prison.

His little eyes close easily and he seems so content with her that every fear she’d had about being his mother leaves her shoulders. It’s not as hard as she’d thought it would be, especially with Killian’s help.

“Oh, shit- bloody hell-”

Emma looks up and her eyes widen slightly. She just catches a glimpse of Killian stepping away from the nursery and her jaw falls open as she looks down at herself.

She probably could have seen this one coming.

Her cheeks start getting warm and she gets a weird feeling in her belly as she stares down at her sleeping baby boy.

Emma puts him into his crib and takes her shirt from the back of the rocking chair. She slides it on over her head and pulls her hair out, then awkwardly paces around Henry’s room for a few moments while she tries to gather her thoughts.

She doesn’t think it’s a big deal, because she wasn’t _naked_ , she was just wearing her bra and Henry was in the way of most of her skin, but still the principle of it remains.

Their relationship is undefined and she knows Killian’s trying to be a gentleman, because he wants her to feel safe here, to feel as if she’s just as much as part of this little misfit family as he is.

Emma heads out of Henry’s room and moves down the hall. She finds Killian standing in the kitchen, downing a drink of something amber colored.

She folds her arms to her chest and inhales deeply. “He’s asleep.”

Killian turns to her and smiles slightly. “Ah. Good.”

He eyes her slightly and puts the glass he’d been drinking from into the sink.

They stand there in silence for a few moments. She watches as Killian presses his hands to the counter and leans his weight forward, not looking at her at all, but instead down at the countertop itself.

“I, um, I’ve been thinking I should get back to work,” he tells her, not meeting her eyes. “My savings is nearly run dry and now that you’re here, you can take care of Henry.”

She nods her head. “Yeah. That makes sense.”

Killian manages to smile at her. “I’ll see about it tomorrow.”

He leaves the kitchen and goes to his bedroom without saying another word, leaving Emma contemplating just _what_ their relationship is.

///

Killian finds Emma sitting in the kitchen with a plate of breakfast. Henry’s sitting in his little chair on the table beside her and she smiles at him when he coos at her.

“Yeah?” she asks. “Do you love me, Henry? Do you love Mommy, baby?”

Henry babbles happily. She giggles and he thinks it’s the sweetest sound he has ever heard.

She’s sitting in her chair with her legs folded like a pretzel, her hair above her head in a messy bun, and her oversized pajama shirt covering her obscenely short shorts.

The light from the day pours in from the kitchen window that’s directly before her and she squints her eyes as she stares at Henry, a little happy grin on her lips.

Killian shuffles into the room and goes straight for the coffee machine.

A few nights prior, he’d seen a bit more than he’d intended when he went to check on her and Henry at bedtime.

Things have been going well between them, as they’ve spent time bonding and talking more and more as time has gone on. Things with Henry and Emma together have been going incredibly well, too. He’s impossibly proud of her and all she’s managed to accomplish in such a short amount of time.

He knows she’d been afraid of this, afraid of how Henry would behave towards her, afraid of how she’d be able to adapt, and he sees strength in how she holds herself now. She _can_ do this.

It’s been almost two weeks since she came home with him and each day he has spent with her, he feels as if things have never been better for them as friends or partners.

He just doesn’t know how they’re defining their relationship.

They’re friends, for sure, and they’re both parents to Henry. He hasn’t kissed Emma yet, nor has he asked her on a date, because she’s been occupied with learning how to be a mother, and she’s done a bloody good job of it.

“Morning, Daddy,” Emma says.

His heart flutters at the words and his cheeks flush. He turns to Emma as he grabs the coffee pot. “Morning, my heart. How’d you sleep?”

“Good,” she grins. She tilts her head to the side as she admires him.

He sees her squinting at him and he mimics her.

“Love, are you alright? You’ve been squinting a lot lately.”

Emma sighs. “Yeah. I lost my glasses. I’m fine though.”

Killian tilts his head at her. “You wore glasses?”

She sighs again and brings her coffee to her lips. “I did.”

He hears it in the unspoken silence- _after you left me_ \- and it makes sense to him as he turns back to the mug sitting for him on the counter. He pours himself a cup and then leans back against the counter.

“Would you like to go to the optometrist?” he asks, a smile pulling at his lips as he has a sip of his coffee.

Emma sets her mug down and drops her shoulders. “I- I don’t have to-”

“But you should,” he insists. “Because you can’t see.”

His best friend bites down on her lip and sighs. “Okay. If you want to take me, I’ll go, but…”

“I’ll make an appointment,” Killian tells her. “On my lunch break today.”

Emma’s eyes soften and she nods. “Okay.”

They stare at one another for a few moments too long before Killian walks over to Henry and lowers a kiss to his head.

“I’ve got to go to work, my boy,” he murmurs. “Stay good for Mummy.”

Killian grins when Henry reaches up to touch his face and he kisses his head once more before turning to Emma.

“Okay. I’ve got the car, so if you need anything just call me and I’ll figure something out.”

Emma nods. “Okay.”

He hesitates as he stares at her, thinking back to the night before all over again, and ultimately, he decides on a smile before he awkwardly waves goodbye. “I’ll see you tonight, then, Swan.”

“Yeah,” she says, her eyes narrowed just so and her concern is clear in the way she creases her forehead. She waves regardless and Killian just curses himself as he walks to the front door.

It probably should be easier, he thinks, to allow himself to love Emma properly, now that she’s here with him and isn’t trapped behind a glass wall that he can only press his hand against in the hopes that she’ll feel the warmth of his touch.

She’s _here_ and she’s so beautiful that it nearly drives him mad.

His stomach twists and tightens as he heads out to the car and he runs his fingers through his hair.

He has to do something different. He _has_ to. Otherwise, there’ll be more incidents that’ll leave them blushing and embarrassed and awkward, and soon, their window will pass and it will be too late for them, and he absolutely does not want it to pass.

///

The stylist at the mall suggests that Emma try a thick pair of rectangular glasses, because with a baby, it might be harder for her to have time to put contact lenses in. Emma agrees, mostly because she likes the way the glasses feel and look on her.

She turns to Killian, who holds Henry in his arms, and strikes a pose. Killian laughs warmly.

“What do you think?”

He wears a sweet smile on his lips. “I think they look rather cute on you, Swan.”

Emma blushes. She can’t stop smiling, though, and she nods in agreement as she looks at her reflection in the mirror again.

After a moment, she looks at Henry and approaches him, leaning in so he’ll look into her eyes.

“What do you think, baby boy? Are they too big on Mommy?”

Henry just smiles at her and she presses a sweet kiss to his cheek. She leans back to look at the stylist. “Okay. I think I want these.”

The stylist grins at her. “Alright. Let’s get you checked out then.”

As they’re waiting for her glasses to be fitted with the lenses that will help her see, Killian pushes the stroller while Emma walks alongside him.

They do some light shopping and Emma tries on clothes to show Killian, and every time she steps out of the dressing room, he looks at her with a devilish smirk on his lips and an arched eyebrow.

“What?” she laughs, putting her hands on her hips as she stands before him in a dress.

“Nothing,” he replies. “It’s just that the Emma Swan I know doesn’t wear dresses all too often.”

Emma tilts her head at him and steps up to the chair he’s sitting in.

As she stands before him, her stomach gets butterflies and she watches his eyes grow wider. His cheeks get rosy and he seems embarrassed.

“Well,” she murmurs in a low tone, “ _maybe_ I want to wear a dress when you finally ask me out on a date.”

Killian laughs in spite of himself, dropping his gaze to the floor and then dragging it back to her as her fingers slide against his shoulders.

She thinks about kissing him, because he’s so sweet and bashful when they even bring up their relationship a little, but then she hears the radio crackle above their heads as an employee comes on to tell the shoppers about a deal, and she lets her fingers fall away from him as she steps back.

Maybe they’re just not meant to be _together_. Maybe they’re always going to be best friends, parents to Henry, but… not intimate in a way she wants to be.

She buys the dress while Killian takes Henry to change his diaper in the bathroom.

Maybe it’s wishful thinking, but she likes to think they still have a little bit of time before they lose whatever it is they have between them.

///

Henry is four months old.

It’s something they celebrate while they take him to the doctors for a checkup and when they get there, the nurse is quick to make a couple of grandiose assumptions about their disjointed family, but they’re used to it now.

He’s been referred to as Emma’s husband multiple times, by a variety of individuals, and both of them get red faced and a little too embarrassed, so they never correct anyone. It’s easier that way.

Once or twice, they’ve been glared at because of their age. With Emma just barely into adulthood, him three years her senior, and a baby between them, he’s sure it must look like a delicious story to some.

Thankfully, though, not many people question them for what their relationship is. Because he still isn’t sure what it is himself.

It’s eerily silent in the car on their way home after the appointment and each time he checks Emma gazes out the window while twirling a strand of hair.

It’s been almost a month since she came home and while things have been monumentally different, for both of them, they’ve come out the other side having grown quite a bit.

Killian has started working two jobs, in order to pay rent and keep up with the expenses of having a family, and Emma stays home with Henry. And it’s almost as if she’d never been in prison at all.

“Killian,” Emma says as he parks the car.

He looks over at her. “Aye, Swan?”

She’s staring at him with sadness in her gaze. She flits her tongue out between her lips and shakes her head. “I just… thank you for taking care of him while I was…”

“It was my honor,” Killian smiles. He glances back at Henry when the boy coos. “I love him as if he were my own blood.”

Emma nods. “Yeah. He loves you too.”

They stare at each other for a few long moments.

“Do you think… could we leave Arizona? Could we go someplace near the ocean like you always wanted to?”

His heart leaps at her words and he nods. “Aye. We could. The lease will be up in a few months. And by then we’ll have some in savings. Where do you want to go?”

She shakes her head against her headrest and then stares on ahead of them. “I don’t care. I just want to leave Phoenix.”

Killian takes a deep breath. “Okay, then we’ll leave when the lease is up.”

Emma looks at him and he swears he sees the sun in the way she smiles at him. “Good.”

///

She walks around the house with Henry resting with his face buried into her chest.

He’s asleep. It’s his new favorite sleeping position, she’s discovered, and she’s amazed by how easily he’s allowed her to step back into his little life like this.

Emma lies down on the couch one afternoon with him sleeping and ends up falling asleep herself, eased by the gentle breathing of her son as he turns his head to press his ear against her heart instead.

When she wakes, it’s to the smell of dinner, and when she looks into the kitchen, she finds flowers on the counter, and even better, Killian standing at the sink with his sleeves rolled up and his forearms flexed.

Henry’s awake now, too, and he starts to fuss for food, which Emma is glad to help him with.

She heads into the kitchen to grab a bottle and Killian smiles at her as he turns, wiping his wet hands off on a dish towel.

“Hi, Swan,” he says on a grin.

“Hey,” she murmurs, still feeling groggy from sleep.

The way he’s staring at her reminds her of that day he’d told her he loved her the first time, and she wishes that things weren’t so stupidly complex or difficult, because she just wants to push up onto her toes and kiss his lips.

“I came home intending to surprise you with flowers,” he says, tossing his head back toward the beautiful bouquet on the counter. He looks a little embarrassed.

“Oh!” she gasps. She knits her brow. “Killian, that’s so sweet. Thank you.”

Emma grabs the bottle from the fridge and pops it into the warmer. She turns her attention to Henry, then, and he starts sobbing, which makes her frown. She rubs his back and settles his cheek against her shoulder as she pats her hand on his backside.

“Shhh,” she whispers. “Henry, it’s okay. I’m getting your milk.”

She pulls the bottle out and quickly tests it before nodding and settling Henry down in her arm. She presses the bottle to his lips and he suckles on it happily.

Emma looks up at Killian again.

He smiles slightly and reaches up to scratch behind his ear. “Erm… I also… I wanted to ask you if you’d like, maybe, to go for dinner tomorrow night? Just the two of us? We’d get Henry a sitter and…”

Emma breaks into a grin and nods. “That sounds great.”

“Yeah?” he asks, clearly surprised.

“Yeah.” Emma laughs. “ _Finally_.”

Killian chuckles, looking amused. “Apologies, Swan. I hate to keep you waiting.”

///

Emma wears the dress she’d shown him at the mall and his mouth goes dry the moment she steps out of her bedroom in it.

She’s _gorgeous_. Her hair’s all done up in a ponytail and she has special shoes on to boot. Her smile is sweet and her eyes sparkle happily at him.

“Swan,” he manages to say, though she’s stolen all thought and words straight from him.

She grins, the minx she is, and stalks up to him. “Ready for our date?”

He almost doesn’t take her to dinner. He almost asks the girl that came to babysit to go home so he can just have his way with his Swan here and now.

But he restrains himself when he sees how affectionate Emma is when she says goodbye to Henry. She awards him kisses and cuddles him, and then explains everything in detail, as if she were the one to set up the very swing of the pattern, to the babysitter.

The girl bobs her head in understanding. “I’ve got him, Emma. Have fun tonight.”

He takes her to dinner and she’s so beautiful that he nearly forgets how to speak to her. He’s seated across from her at the Italian restaurant and she has this coy look on her face as she studies the menu.

“What’s that look for?” he asks, smiling himself.

Emma shrugs. “I love you. That’s all.”

Killian’s heart races at the words, even though he’s heard them several times, and his smile spreads wider. “I love you too, Swan.”

After they order, Killian reaches across the table to take Emma’s hand and she gladly accepts. Her thumb swipes over his knuckle and she frowns slightly, a crease forming in her brow.

“I don’t really… I don’t know how we should do this,” she admits.

Killian shrugs. “Well, neither do I, love. I just know I needed to do this otherwise we’d end up avoiding… whatever this is forever.”

Emma laughs heartlessly and he can sense that she’s feeling weary about the way their relationship is undefined. “Whatever this is?”

He sighs.

“We’re best friends and we’re raising your baby together,” he says, shaking his head. “And I know I’m in love with you and you love me, but…”

“But you don’t want to be together?” she asks with her brows knitted.

“No, Swan. Gods, no, that isn’t what I mean.” Killian shakes his head quickly. “All I mean to say is- we’ve got a confusing relationship and I just don’t want to mess it up. That’s why it took so long for us to go on a date.”

Emma takes a deep breath and he watches as she adjusts her glasses. A tiny smile fills her lips. “I think we’re going to be fine, Killian.”

“I hope so,” he smiles in return. “Because I don’t know what I’d do if you weren’t in my life.”

Emma squeezes his hand. “Me either.”

///

Emma sighs when she and Killian come to a stop at the apartment’s front door.

She had had a _fantastic_ date with him.

It had been really nice to get to talk to him without Henry between them, and even though they’ve been friends for all of her life, being on a _date_ with him wasn’t even a little weird to her.

He’d been a proper gentleman, insisting to pull out her chair at the table, and when they left, he offered her his arm, to which she gladly took it and giddy butterflies fluttered in her belly.

The only other dates she’d ever really been on were with Neal, and they weren’t even proper dates to fancy restaurants. They’d stolen food on those “dates” and had ended up crashing at some sleazy motel afterwards until they were caught and had to skip out.

And to think she’d thought he was a gentleman at one time in her life.

Killian smiles at her and she reaches for his hands, sliding her fingers down his arms until she reaches them.

“So… tonight,” she says, giggling a little. Killian grins at her. “It was really good.”

“Aye,” he murmurs happily. “I loved it.”

Emma presses her lips together in a permanent smile. “Me too. It just feels right.”

“It does,” Killian agrees.

Emma bites on her lip as she gazes at him. She hops a little on the balls of her feet and leans forward as their hands swing between them. “So do you want to do it again?”

He breaks into a wide grin. “I absolutely would love to, Swan.”

She leans in and Killian does too. Their foreheads touch first and Emma smiles against his lips as they brush- close, but not touching intimately.

“I love you,” he whispers, and Emma can’t help but laugh softly.

“I love you too.”

And when they kiss, it feels like everything she’d ever dreamed it could be.

Her heart races as her arms wrap around his neck and she giggles when he presses his tongue against her lower lip. Their kiss deepens and his arms go around her, boosting her up into his hold.

Her feet lift up from the ground and she can feel Killian grinning even before they part, breathless.

He sets her down and chases her for one more kiss, to which she gladly complies, her fingers tugging at his hair.

Killian presses his forehead against hers and she laughs again when he says breathily, “That was…”

“Amazing,” she finishes for him. She presses a kiss to his lips and adds, “fantastic.”

He hums and kisses her again and murmurs, “I was going to say a bloody long time coming, but I suppose it was quite _amazing_ and _fantastic_ and _-_ ”

Emma silences him with her lips against his and they both laugh together until they break apart. Their eyes meet with nothing but joy in them.

It’s a feeling she hasn’t had in a very long time.

///

“Do you know that I have loved you since we lived in that house in Ohio?” Killian asks her in the dark of his bedroom. He’s facing her, his fingers trailing down her arm.

“Ohio,” she repeats, her eyebrow arched as a giggle slips past her pretty slightly kiss-swollen lips. She gazes at him for a few silent moments. “What was the moment you knew?”

Killian grins at her and his fingers trace gentle lines over her palm. He drops his gaze to his ministrations. “It was your birthday and I had given you…”

“Peter Pan,” she finishes for him, drawing his eyes back to hers. He finds her smiling at him. She shifts against his pillow and her toes drag up his calf.

“Aye,” he smiles. “I gave you the novel Peter Pan. Anyway. You weren’t having a good day until we had split that cupcake and… I remember your laughter in that moment that you saw I had a spot of frosting on my nose was impossibly sweet.”

Emma reaches up to drag her thumb over the scar in his cheek.

“And you took the frosting from my nose and popped it into your mouth.” Killian murmurs. “And that night, the nightmares came regardless of the light in your day, and you came to me and we were lying just like this, actually.”

She smiles softly. “Yeah. I remember.”

“And you said to me, in the dark, that I was your family and I was the only place you ever felt at home,” he finishes. “That was the moment that I knew I loved you. I had felt it before that moment, but… I knew then.”

Emma’s eyelashes flutter against her cheeks and she takes her hand from his cheek to tangle her fingers in his hair.

“When you left. That’s when I knew.” Emma whispers. “I hurt so badly that I felt like I had to run to feel better, but it didn’t help.”

Killian’s heart aches for her and he reaches for her, pulling her close to him. His arm wraps around her middle and he presses his forehead to hers.

“I’m not leaving,” he promises her. “Never again.”

Emma’s arms wrap around his neck and she drags her leg up over his hip, their noses bumping. “I know.”

///

“Look at Daddy, Henry,” Emma murmurs into his ear, giggling as she sits up in Killian’s bed with the baby in her lap. “Daddy’s so sleepy.”

He’s lying on his stomach, his hair a ruffled, wild mess, and his back is exposed with the blankets down over his hips. He has his arms under his pillow and his face is directed toward hers. She sees a smile curve on his lips and his eye opens gently.

“Wouldn’t be if Mummy didn’t keep me up all night,” he grumbles on a sleepy sigh. He flops over onto his back and puts his arm over his forehead.

Emma rolls her eyes and kicks her foot against his leg. “You wanted to stay up talking.”

He winces at her and grins regardless. “I suppose I did.”

Henry, with his little head pressed against Emma’s cheek, holds his arm out and points it at Killian. He babbles a little and then Emma kisses his forehead.

“You’re a good boy,” she whispers. “Daddy did a good job with you.”

Killian’s smiling when she looks down at him and he takes his hand to play with Henry’s toes.

And in this moment, she feels as if she’s finally found the family she’s never had before, and she probably could never be happier about that.

“Swan,” Killian says as Emma gives Henry another kiss.

“Mmm?”

He reaches up and taps his lips. “I never got a good morning kiss.”

She rolls her eyes. “Maybe when you get up and make us breakfast.”

“Oh,” he laughs, “so suddenly I’m making breakfast.”

“Well,” Emma teases, “if you want that kiss-”

She doesn’t think she’s ever seen him move quite as fast as he does in that moment, and she laughs so much that Henry joins her.

///

When Henry’s ten months old, they pack up the apartment and Killian resigns from his jobs.

They get themselves a moving truck and on the night before they’re due to leave, they lie in their bed wide awake and anxious.

Killian had told her that it was her decision, where they would move, and she hasn’t told him what she’d come up with. He’s beginning to think they’ll just drive until they get tired of it.

“So,” Emma says. She has her favorite shirt on and her hair is a beautiful mess behind her head, draped across the pillow in waves and curls.

He’d love to drag his fingers through it and kiss her until they fall asleep, but she’s distracting him with her eyes and the wry curve of her lips.

“So,” he teases.

She drags her fingers through his hair and breathes out. “I decided that I want to move to Maine.”

“Maine,” Killian repeats, his eyebrows arching. He can see Emma recoiling, just a little, and he gently says, “Any particular reason?”

Emma presses her lips together and shakes her head. “There’s water there. It’s quaint. I think Henry would like to see snow.”

A smile spreads on his face and he hums just thinking of the possibility of seeing his son in the snow. “Aye. Alright. I’m with you, Swan. Until the end.”

“Until the end of what?” she asks, and he pulls her close enough to kiss her.

His words are spoken against her lips between kisses, “Until the end of the world, or time, my love.”


	4. Chapter 4

In the time that it takes for them to get to Maine, they see much of the United States. It takes them two weeks with all of the stops they decide to make.

It’s the best way to travel, Killian claims as they cuddle close every night along the way. She just loves having this time together, because it’s intimate and fun. Now that they’re older and on their own, visiting the various states is for their own enjoyment rather than the result of yet another move, and it really _is_ quite enjoyable.

They have all kinds of pictures from their trip and trinkets from kitschy shops in little towns they stopped in. Henry has a whole bag of little toddler-sized shirts for when he’s a little bit bigger with the various states and places they’d stopped.

One of Emma’s favorite stops was the Grand Canyon, where Killian asked someone to take a family picture overlooking the vast landscape. She’s going to get it framed when they find a place to live in Maine and she’ll hang it on the wall along with some of Henry’s baby pictures and a few shots of Emma and Killian together.

There’s a picture he’d taken of them where he’s sitting with her on one of their motel beds, his arm wrapped around her middle while he kisses her cheek. She’s laughing, pure joy in the way she tosses her head back, and Emma loves it because of that very fact.

Killian brings out so much joy from her. Being _free_ brings out so much joy from her, and she’s excited now that she can explore what this freedom means.

Their tour of Maine’s coast brings them first to the beach, and Emma gets so excited that she insists that they stop for a while just so she can breathe it in.

Killian stands Henry up on the sand and holds him up as he places his tiny feet into the water. Emma giggles as she squats down beside her son, finding the happiness on his face contagious.

“Do you like the water, baby boy?” she asks him, giving his little cheek a kiss. “Daddy likes the water too.”

Emma glances up at Killian and he winks at her.

“I wish we could just build a house right here,” he sighs wistfully.

Emma laughs and pops up onto her feet. She presses her hands on Killian’s shoulder and cushions her cheek there as she stares at the waves.

“We don’t have very much money for that,” she murmurs.

In moments like this, fear stirs in her chest as she considers their future. It’s easy to dream of living a good life with the two people she loves the most someplace new, but reality bites and nags at her sometimes.

When she feels the ground beneath her feet, feels the Maine air against her skin, and smells the pine in the air, it feels so real. It’s so real, and she has so much she’s responsible for.

“We’ll be okay, Swan,” he whispers, brushing his lips against her forehead. “We’ve got each other. We’ve got some money. Just give us some time to land on our feet.”

Emma meets his eyes and smiles softly. “Okay.”

///

Storybrooke is a quaint seaside town that they stumble into after being told repeatedly by locals nearby that it’s the perfect place to settle down and raise a baby.

The town is quiet, the people are kind, and the schools are apparently wonderful. It’s a little town, the kind where everyone knows everyone, and it might scare Emma, because intimacy like that can be terrifying, but she has Killian by her side.

They’ve found themselves a quaint little loft apartment to rent for close to nothing.

Henry’s settled against Emma’s hip, leaning against her, his cheek on hers, his sticky fingers in the opening of her tee shirt the morning they get to move in. Killian holds up the key and his eyebrows lift excitedly.

“Here we go,” he murmurs, and then he sticks the key into the door, twists, and pushes it open.

Emma’s heart lifts at the sight of the apartment, barren and ready for them to decorate and change the way they want to. Killian holds out his arm for her to walk inside first and she does, slowly having a look around the place as if she’s never seen it before.

She turns to her boyfriend with a deep breath sliding past her lips. He smiles at her and nods his head. “Welcome home, Emma.”

Emma reaches for Henry’s hand and leaves a kiss to the top of his head. “Welcome home, Killian.”

Then they start the slow process of moving in out of the truck and into their apartment, which is difficult with the nearly one-year-old starting to walk and becoming fussy each time Emma steps away from him even if for a minute.

Killian brings up the boxes first, the lighter things, and when he goes back to the truck the first time, Emma manages to sit Henry down on the floor with some of his toys while she figures out which rooms the boxes belong to.

The door opens and Killian grunts a little as he shifts a heavy box against the wall.

“What’s that?” Emma asks, furrowing her brow while she reaches into a box sitting on the counter for a glass.

Killian takes a breath and wipes his forehead with his arm. “Henry’s crib. I figure it’ll help. We can wait for him to sleep and then work on the rest of the heavy stuff.”

Emma manages a smile at him as she reaches up on her toes to put the glasses in a cabinet in the kitchen.

Henry babbles and throws something across the room, making Killian chuckle. “Henry, you’ve got to keep your toys in one place. Papa isn’t always going to fetch them for you.”

After settling some plates into the cabinet, Emma turns around to find Killian smiling as her son smiles right back at him. Killian leans in to give his cheek some loud kisses.

“You’re welcome, Henry,” he murmurs, his hand pressing to Henry’s.

Killian loves her son more than anything else and it takes her breath away every single time she realizes it.

It’s a miracle that he found her when he did. Sometimes she wonders what would have happened to Henry if Killian hadn’t been there and she can’t imagine that she’d be half as happy as she is today.

There’s a knock at their front door and Killian furrows his brow as he hops up onto his feet. They exchange a look, but neither of them knows who could possibly be waiting on the other side.

Emma crosses around the kitchen island while Killian opens the door, and they’re faced with the happiest looking woman with dark hair cut short and fair skin. She’s wearing a floral patterned dress and she’s holding a pan in her hands.

“Hi!” she chirps.

Emma turns when she hears Henry fussing and she goes to grab him as Killian replies, “Hello. Can we help you with something?”

“Oh, no. No. I just… I live just upstairs and I heard that you were moving in today, so I baked you a little welcome home pasta. I figure the last thing you need to worry about is finding your way to the store so you can make dinner tonight.”

Emma lifts Henry onto her hip and he immediately snuggles close as she walks back toward the door. The woman’s eyes widen at the sight of Emma and Henry. She gasps.

“Oh, a baby! He is so adorable.”

Emma manages a smile at the strange woman. “Thanks.”

The woman stands there and Killian has a pan in his arm and Emma has Henry and they’re all just staring at one another, clearly uncomfortable and uncertain about what they’re supposed to discuss now.

“Mary Margaret, what are you-” a masculine voice comes from the hall and Emma hears footsteps before there’s suddenly a man at the woman’s side, looking as apologetic as they come. “I’m so sorry. She’s crazy.”

Mary Margaret’s brow pinches as she turns to swat her counterpart in the chest.

“ _David_!” She turns to them again. “I’m not crazy. I just wanted to stop in and say hello to the people who will be living in our building. My name is Mary Margaret. I’m a teacher at Storybrooke Elementary. This is my husband, David. He’s the town sheriff. We live upstairs on the top floor and we’re _not_ crazy.”

Emma smiles at the woman as she glares at her husband. She’s very sweet, even if her coming to their home was slightly surprising.

Killian chuckles and nods his head. “Well, I’m Killian, and this is Emma. Our son, Henry.” Killian stares affectionately at Emma and then Henry as he’s introducing them, and he turns back to the pair at their front door with a lopsided grin. “We’re moving from Arizona.”

“Really?” David asks, taken aback. “What brought you all the way to Maine?”

Killian holds open his mouth for a second and he glances over at Emma. She shifts Henry on her hip and shrugs. “We wanted a place by the water.”

“Oh,” Mary Margaret gasps, looking like she could pass out from swooning. “Well, you’re in the right place. We have the _best_ sunrises and sunsets here. Storybrooke is such a nice town. Perfect for raising a family.”

Mary Margaret’s staring at Henry, and Henry sucks his fist into his mouth, causing Emma to remove it. He whines at her and knocks his head into her neck.

“Someone’s sleepy,” she explains. “And we should probably get back to unloading the truck.”

Killian nods in agreement. “Perhaps we’ll see you around the building.”

Mary Margaret bobs her head. “Oh, definitely. I look forward to getting to know you. You seem like such a sweet young couple. How old are you?”

“Okay, Mary Margaret,” David sighs, wrapping his arm around his wife. “Sorry. We’re going. If you need anything, we’re in apartment number three.”

Killian smiles in thanks and Emma just holds her breath while she sways a little to help Henry fall asleep. Her boyfriend turns to her after closing the door and he lifts his eyebrows.

“Well,” he says, tilting his head. “That wasn’t half as bad as I’d thought it would be. Meeting the neighbors.” He holds up the food in his hands and gestures to the kitchen. “I’ll put this in the fridge and get to assembling the crib for our boy. Then we only have a few things left to bring up.”

As Emma watches Killian assemble the crib while she feeds a cranky baby, she can’t help but feel the pull of frustration.

Mary Margaret and David were so kind coming to greet them. These two married people in their early thirties, clearly without children, were probably scared away by she and Killian’s situation. A lot of people in Arizona were.

The frustration bubbles up with the thought that things aren’t necessarily going to change with a change of scenery. People are still going to judge them.

And why shouldn’t they? Emma knows how awful it all is.  

She’s only eighteen years old and she has a baby and she spent a year in prison. Instead of finishing high school, picking out a college, and going to school to do something she’s always wanted to do, she’s had to face the reality that her choices in life have led her to this place.

She’s so young and she’s dating the only person that has ever loved her, and while it means the world to her that he does love her, and she would never regret this relationship at all, she regrets not being more careful so she’d have the opportunity to see the world.

She knows the world is filled with all sorts of people. People who might have loved her if they were given the chance. But she knows that most people don’t. Neal didn’t and she actually gave him the opportunity to.

Looking down at her son in her arms, Emma’s heart feels heavy. She loves her son with all that she is. She would give up the whole world to be with him, to be his mother, to love him so he knows he’s loved.

But she hates the fact that she’s going to be the youngest mom waiting for him at the end of the day in kindergarten. She hates the fact that she’s eighteen and has to make choices about parenting when she hasn’t gotten to choose a single thing for herself in such a long time, except for this move.

This move that’s already causing her to get anxious about whether or not they’re going to make it, and if she’ll ever find herself here. She may have done a lot of soul searching in prison, but it’s different when she’s out in the world.

“All right,” Killian sighs, smiling as he turns away from the crib. “It’s all set up and ready for a sleepy baby.”

Emma manages to smile back at him, though her eyes prickle with tears of anxiety and she would like to curl up into a ball in the corner somewhere.

She takes Henry to his crib and sets him down in it, sighing at how easily the baby relaxes.

Killian sets up the baby monitor so they can take it with them and make sure he’s okay while they’re unloading the truck, and then they head downstairs to bring up the rest of their stuff.

“Emma, are you alright, darling?” Killian asks as he’s shifting the mattress of their bed toward her. Emma grabs onto it, ready to lift, but Killian won’t let her.

He’s standing there in his black, skin-tight tank top, his jeans hanging low on his hips. His chain necklaces hang against his skin and stick there thanks to the sweat. He’s in the moving day zone, ready to start over, and here she is, worrying about whether or not she’ll ever be able to figure out where she belongs in this world after all she’s been through in such a short period of time.

“Yeah,” she shakes her head. “Why wouldn’t I be?”

He stares at her for a few moments and sighs. “Emma, we decided to move here because we wanted a fresh start. I don’t want you having regrets.”

“I don’t have regrets,” Emma drops her shoulders. She glances over at the building. “I just… I’m tired. I’m hungry. I want to have a shower. Can we please just finish this?”

Killian hesitates for a few moments and the nods his head. “As you wish.”

///

Looking for work isn’t his favorite thing to do. He’s held plenty of jobs in his life, as he’s hopped from state to state in search for who he is.

Truthfully, he really isn’t certain who he is. He’s always had life dictated to him, whether he be in the foster system with Emma, or searching for her after he’d realized his mistake of leaving her. Then he’d become Henry’s caregiver and subsequently, he’d fallen in love with this beautiful boy he shares with Emma.

Killian leaves the loft the morning after they move in before Emma wakes up. She’s beautiful, laying in their bed with her hair a mess over her back. She’s turned away from him, her hands shifted under her pillow to boost her head up.

He knows better than to wake her when she’s sleeping, especially after how exhausted she’d been the night before, and he leaves a note for her in the kitchen about how he’ll be back for lunch. Briefly, he checks on Henry, who lies sleeping on his back, his arms spread out above his head, and then Killian leaves.

The sun is rising as he walks down the sidewalk toward the harbor. He isn’t sure what he’s going to do with his day; where he’ll start looking for work or what he even wants to pursue.

There’s a bench that looks out at the water and he sinks down on it, finding the horizon the most calming sight he could possibly find. With the salty air on his skin and filling his nose, Killian throws his head back and sighs.

He has so much responsibility and all he wants to do in this moment is to sail around the world. His love for his family conquers his thoughts every time he so dares to consider it and it grounds him as he stares back out at the water.

The only person he’d ever known that knew his heart better than he could have ever dreamed was Liam. But Liam’s long gone now, and Killian finds himself aching for his elder brother more than he ever has before.

He leans forward, pressing his elbows to his knees so he can catch his face in his palms. He sighs.

“Liam, what do I do?” he murmurs quietly. “I’m barely into my twenties and I’ve got a family to take care of.” He squeezes his eyes tighter, thinking of Emma and of Henry. “I love them with all that I am, but I don’t know… how do I give my son the life I never had?”

He graduated from high school a year early because he lied in the transition between homes so he’d be able to get out of the third grade, and he decided against college, obviously, because life took him by the hand and showed him where he should go instead. So it isn’t as if he has the education to bring him very far, but he does have a history of work, and he has a heart for the sea.

Killian removes his hands from his face and bites on his lip. He watches as ships move about the harbor and his heart squeezes tight within his chest.

He rises to his feet and goes to the closest shop, a tourist trap of sorts, one that offers tours of the harbor and all sorts of knick-knacks like tee shirts or postcards.

The man running the place is called Smee. He’s a short man with a floppy hat and a nervous scuttle about him.

He hires him after only two questions.

Killian doesn’t think he’s ever been so lucky in his life.

///

“So, how long have you and Killian been married?” Mary Margaret asks.

Emma had been in the middle of unpacking boxes in her bedroom while Henry played when the petite woman came knocking. She’d had in her arms a container of muffins and a sweet smile on her lips, so Emma couldn’t say _no_.

They’re neighbors, and finding friendships is one of the parts of this transition, so Emma thinks she owes it to herself to at least try to be Mary Margaret’s friend. No matter how nosy she can be.

She blushes a little as she stares at Mary Margaret now. Henry’s on her hip, nibbling on a piece of muffin she’d fed to him, and Emma averts her gaze to look at him as she considers her answer.

“Oh, um…” Emma meets Mary Margaret’s eyes with a slight wince. “We’re not.”

They’re hardly even _dating_ if she’s honest about it. They’ve been on several dates, but it’s been a few months since they’ve had a date to even speak of. She can’t blame him for not wanting to; it’s hard with a baby that they can’t get a sitter for.

“Oh!” Mary Margaret gasps. She puts her hand to her forehead and shakes her head. “I am so sorry. I thought you were. You make such a sweet couple-”

“It’s okay,” Emma smiles, shaking her head. “We get that a lot. Being as young as we are with Henry.”

She turns her attention to her son when he puts his hand on her nose. She tips her head backward and pushes his hand down.

Mary Margaret drops her gaze, obviously embarrassed, and Emma sucks in a breath. “Um. We grew up together. He’s my best friend. I guess it was only a matter of time before we got together.”

“Well, your family is very sweet.” The woman studies Henry and smiles warmly. “If you’re ever looking for a daycare for this little guy, I happen to know somebody.”

Emma lifts her eyebrows. “You do? I’ve been…” Emma pauses. “I’ve been thinking about getting him into daycare so I can work.”

Mary Margaret nods excitedly. “Her name is Anna and she just started a little daycare out of her house. She’s newly married and she’s one of the kindest people I know. I’ll give you her phone number.”

They talk for a while, and Emma’s surprised to find that after a few lingering minutes of awkwardness, Mary Margaret is actually kind and very knowledgeable. She likes to listen to Emma, whenever she decides to talk.

And she’s amazing with Henry. The moment she asks if she can hold him, Emma agrees, and Henry opts to stay in her arms until he falls asleep as they chat quietly on the sofa.

Then she checks her watch and gasps at the time. “Well, I need to get going or I’ll be late for lunch with David at the station.”

“Oh, okay.” Emma leans forward to take the sleeping baby from her new friend and smiles a little at her as they rise to their feet. “Thank you for the muffins.”

“You’re welcome,” Mary Margaret nods her head. “I… maybe you’d like to have lunch at Granny’s sometime? Maybe… tomorrow? We could have a late lunch. Class is finished by two thirty. It’s the best place we have in town. I could introduce you to some people and get you connections?”

Emma’s smile spreads. She feels at least a little confident in knowing she has found at least one friend.

“That sounds great.” Emma sighs as she presses her palm over Henry’s chest. His little arms flinch in his sleep and he arches his back until he’s resting with his mouth over her chest.

Mary Margaret smiles down at Henry and then at Emma as she walks to the front door. “I’ll meet you there. Best of luck with your unpacking!”

Emma laughs softly. “Thanks.”

As soon as the door is closed and Mary Margaret is gone, Emma closes her eyes and sighs heavily. She carries her son to his crib and lays him down, and then she just stands there, her arms folded over the side while she gazes at him.

He’s a sweet little boy. His arms like to fling above his head now when he sleeps and he sometimes likes to cuddle with his bear, but most nights, it’s as if he’s a starfish, and Killian likes to tease Emma that he’s dreaming of being in the sea.

She thinks about Killian with a smile curving at her lips and she hears the door open at just that moment.

Emma walks out to find Killian carrying two arms of groceries that he promptly sets down on the counter. “I’ve got good news and I’ve got great news.”

She arches her eyebrow at him as he stands at the counter with a smile spread wide.

“Okay. Give me the good news.”

Killian digs into one of the paper bags until he finds something, then he pulls it out with a triumphant, “Tada! Whoopie pies.”

Emma gasps. “Oh my God. No way!”

Killian laughs happily and she goes around the counter to where he’s standing. He pulls open the plastic container and pushes it toward her. She greedily grabs one of the chocolate cakes and her mouth waters, but she refuses to bite into it first.

“I totally forgot they have these here.”

Killian hums. “Well, it’s been a few years since we’ve lived in New England, to be fair.” He pulls one out of the case and has a bite, giving her a nod in the affirmative. “‘S good.”

She sighs happily as she bites on it and closes her eyes for a moment as she gives out a low moan. “Very good.”

She meets his eyes and his tongue flicks over his lips as he snags up the trace amounts of frosting left behind.

“So what’s the _great_ news?” Emma asks as she finishes off the treat. She licks her thumb and forefinger and Killian stares at her with his eyebrows lifted and his lips parted.

He reels himself in and shrugs his shoulders. “I got a full time job. At the docks. Sundays and Mondays off.”

Emma’s eyes widen and she gasps as she pounces up onto him, her legs wrapping around his middle. Killian laughs heartily as her arms go around his neck and she peppers kisses across his face until she reaches his lips and instead kisses him passionately.

He tastes like chocolate and he smells like the sea and she’s so in love with him that it’s all encompassing.

“You got a job?” she asks breathlessly, leaning back just enough to look at him in the eyes.

Killian laughs. Her fingers caress his face and she grips his cheeks while he holds her steady.

“I got a job,” he replies with a sweet smile that reminds her of when they were up to no good and he’d assure her that everything would be alright.

Emma gives him another kiss that steals her breath away and slowly, she drops her legs from him, but keeps kissing him, because she _loves_ him and she’s so incredibly relieved that things are working out.

Killian’s hands settle on her hips and she sighs against him when their foreheads touch. “I’m glad you got a job.”

She can feel his smile with her thumb against the apple of his cheek and his hand tightens on her hip. “I’m glad too.”

Emma leans back and admires him for a moment before taking a step back with a smile on her lips. Her heart races happily and she reaches up to tuck her hair behind her ears before diving into the paper bags on the counter.

“So tell me everything about it. What do you have to do?” she asks, glancing over at him as she pulls a loaf of bread from the bag.

Killian’s eyes twinkle as he leans in to grab milk and cereal from one of the bags. “Well, I’m going to be taking care of one of the old ships in the harbor. She’s called _The Jewel of the Realm_. Apparently tourists will be coming along and I’ll get to take them around the harbor and tell them all about her.”

Emma hums. She grabs the container of eggs from the bag and turns around to open the fridge. “Is she pretty?”

Killian chuckles. When she turns to face him, he has a soft expression on his face.

“Aye.” He says softly, his voice almost a whisper. “She’s quite pretty. But not as pretty as a certain Swan I know.”

Emma rolls her eyes. Killian takes a step toward her and then they’re kissing again and she smiles against his lips when he hoists her up onto the counter.

Her fingers clutch his face and he leans away as they slide into his hair. He stares up at her like she’s the one who hung the stars that he loves to talk so much about.

“I love you,” he murmurs.

Emma’s fingers release his hair and she lets them fall to his broad shoulders. “I love you too.”

And it’s almost as if they’re just two people, madly in love, ready to face the world, with no trouble before them or behind them. It’s the way she’d imagined it would be.

But then the baby starts crying and Killian helps her off of the counter so he can go grab their boy while she finishes putting the groceries away.

Reality is much harder than the fantasies in her head.

///

On the morning of his first day at work, Henry’s wide-awake and fussy with a slight fever.

Emma has him cradled in her arms as she shushes him, walking back and forth across the main living space. She’s irritated and tired, and he knows she’s a little panicked, too, because Henry being like this isn’t easy.

“Emma, it’s probably just his teeth coming in,” Killian says as he steps out of their bedroom, ready for a day at work. He finds his boots by the door just as Emma sits on the couch.

“I know,” she sighs. “But how am I supposed to get anything done if he keeps crying?”

Killian laces up his boots fast and then goes to the toy bin in the living room, rifling through until he finds one of the teething toys. He holds it up and goes to Emma and Henry, waving the toy at his son as he sits down on the sofa.

“Henry, try this, Son.” Killian hands Henry the toy and he immediately puts it in his mouth, his cries stopping and fading into hiccups that shake his entire little body. “There. Now, you can’t keep Mummy from doing what she needs to today, all right? I’ve got to go to work.”

Killian puts his hand on the back of Henry’s head and leans in to kiss his forehead. “I love you, little one.”

He sits up and smiles at Emma. “You’ll be okay?”

She takes a deep breath and nods her head, a smile pulling at her lips. “Yeah. I’ll be okay.” Killian leans in to kiss her goodbye and she meets his eyes after, nodding again. “Good luck today, Killian.”

“Thanks, love.” He rises to his feet and sighs. “I’ll be home around five.”

Emma nods in understanding. “We’ll be here.”

When he closes the door behind him, Killian releases a heavy breath. Things aren’t _easy_ but they’re going to be better. With time.

Or so he keeps telling himself.

There have been moments, he’s realized, where he feels as if everything’s fine and that they’re managing with what little they do have. But then there are moments when he looks at Emma and sees how anxious she is about this new life in a new town with new people.

She hasn’t told him what’s bothering her, but he sees it in her eyes. He knows she’s worried about money being tight. He knows she doesn’t like sitting still. He also knows she’s a little too worried over whether or not this move is going to stick.

As kids, they’d move so often it was hard to keep count. Thankfully, they were clumped together, only being separated once or twice for only a handful of weeks until they found one another again.

When Killian reaches the harbor and stares at _The Jewel of the Realm_ , he knows, more than anything, that he wants a life here to stick. It’s quiet and it’s peaceful here, and there aren’t any people out to get them.

Emma’s history is behind her and her mistakes are too, though she might bear the scars of those years in her heart and in the back of her mind.

He just hopes she can find the rest that he’s found here.

///

Emma finishes unpacking.

It’s not like they have absolutely nothing that needs unpacking, but as she stares at the empty boxes at the door, she silently wishes they had more. The new loft is a little bit bigger than their old place, and they don’t have a ton of decorating material or furniture to fill it.

Henry’s sleeping, thank goodness, and Emma manages to have a shower, dress up relatively normal, and make the bed, something she hated doing before Killian complained about her not doing it one morning.

She has restless legs and nibbles on her lower lip as she paces around the apartment. She goes to find the photographs from their trip tucked away in a box by her side of the bed and sits on the mattress as she goes through them with a smile on her lips.

Many of the pictures deserve to go on their walls.

She decides that’s what she’ll do with her time today, and as she goes into the living area, she remembers that Mary Margaret had left her Anna’s phone number. Maybe figuring out what she should do with Henry will help the process of change move along more smoothly.

“Hello? This is Anna.”

“Hi, Anna, my name is Emma Swan. I’m new to Storybrooke. I got your number from Mary Margaret. She said you have a daycare in town?”

“Yes!” Anna says excitedly. “Yes, I do! How old is your little one?”

“He’s going to be one in about a month,” Emma says.

“Oh, that is such a sweet age,” Anna sighs. “Okay, so, if you’d like, you can stop by with your son and we can see if it’s a good fit? I know I’m the only daycare in Storybrooke, but it’s still good to have a look around.”

It’s how Emma ends up pulling up to Anna’s house with Henry pulling at his toes and babbling in the backseat.

“Okay, Henry,” she says, unbuckling him so she can put him on her hip. “Let’s go see if this is place is a good fit for you, huh?”

Henry smiles at her and giggles when she tickles his toes, something that’s a relief to her as she’s walking him up the small path leading to the house. When she reaches the front door, she knocks, and waits only a few beats before the door swings open.

On the other side, there stands a woman with red hair tied into braids over her shoulders. She smiles so happily at the sight of her. “You must be Emma! Hi! Welcome. Come in, please.”

She holds open the door and as Emma enters the home, she smells cookies baking, and hears the television playing some kid’s show while a few little voices babble in the background.

“If you could take your shoes off first, that would be great,” Anna says, pointing to the left, where Emma finds a sign that insists that she remove her shoes. She does.

“Follow me! I opened this daycare a few months ago and so far we have a few friends with us. Alexandra and Phillip are our littlest ones. They’re in the nursery right now. We also have a few bigger ones playing.”

Emma smiles when she enters the big living room where the little ones seem to be having the best of times with a woman with white blonde hair. She scrunches her face up as she plays with one of the boys and his Lego’s.

“That’s my sister, Elsa,” Anna says quietly, and the two sisters wave at one another as Anna escorts Emma out of the room and into another. “This is the kitchen. Everything is up to code. My husband Kristoff made sure of it.”

Emma smiles when she sees all of the children’s artwork hanging on the fridge. The whole home is brightly lit, and Anna takes great care in showing Emma the place.

The upstairs is off limits, because that’s where Anna and her husband live, but the whole bottom floor is where the children are free to play.

There are about ten children that currently call this place a daily home, and as Anna shows her the nursery, she whispers, “The smaller ones have their own space away from the bigger kids. I spend most of my time with them. We have a third helper that comes in sometimes, if we need it. Her name is Belle. I’m sure you’ll run into her soon enough.”

Emma nods her head. Henry seems fascinated with a mobile hanging over one of the sleeping babies’ heads, and she laughs as he tries to reach out for it. “You can’t play with that, little one.”

Anna laughs sweetly. “Well, it certainly seems like he’d be a good fit here. What do you think, Emma?”

Emma takes a deep breath. “I’ll definitely think about it. I don’t have a job yet, but… if I get one, I would definitely bring him here.”

Anna grins. “That would be so fun. I would love to have him.” She reaches in to pinch Henry’s side and her son giggles happily. “You are the sweetest boy I have ever met!”

///

Emma sinks into the booth across from Mary Margaret at Granny’s Diner with Henry sleeping in his car seat beside her.

Mary Margaret smiles happily at Emma. “I’m so glad you agreed to have lunch. I wanted to introduce you to my friend Ruby.”

At that moment, a girl comes to their table with a grin on her face. She’s dressed in red and white, her hair with a matching streak in it. She has bright lips and brighter eyes, and everything about her screams that she wants attention.

“Hey, Mary Margaret.”

“Hi, Ruby. This is my new neighbor, Emma. And her son, Henry.”

Ruby bobs her head and holds out her hand to shake Emma’s. Emma gladly shakes the waitress’ hand and manages to smile.

“So you’re new, huh? Welcome to Storybrooke.”

“Thank you.”

Mary Margaret stares at Emma when she looks across the table at her. “Emma just moved here with her boyfriend Killian.”

Ruby’s eyebrows lift and a wry grin fills her lips. “Killian Jones? He was here a little while ago. He had a grilled cheese and he was excellent company during my down time.”

“No kidding,” Mary Margaret gasps, shaking her head.

Emma laughs and shrugs. “It’s his first day at work. I’m pretty sure he forgot to pack something to eat.”

Mary Margaret and Ruby both laugh.

“Well, he’s one hot tamale, Emma. You better stake a claim otherwise some people I know might be clamoring to get him.” Ruby says, giving Emma a wink.

Emma rolls her eyes. “I’m used to it. He’s generally well behaved, though.”

Ruby chuckles. She glances down at Henry and her smile softens. “How old is this little guy?”

“He’s almost one.” Emma states, reaching down to adjust Henry’s blanket. Henry shifts in his sleep, balling up his fists against his face. “He’s going to have a birthday soon.”

“He’s adorable. Congratulations on your genetics, kid.” Ruby says, and Emma just smiles a little halfheartedly. Ruby looks up at Emma and Mary Margaret. “I’ll give you guys a few minutes to look over the menu. Unless you’re ready?”

“Grilled cheese?” Emma asks. “And a water?”

Ruby bobs her head, a little wry smile curling at her lips. “Absolutely. Mary Margaret, do you want your usual?”

Mary Margaret hums. “And a water please.”

“Of course.” Ruby grabs the menus from the table and then she’s off, setting the order on the counter and hitting the bell before bouncing off to another table with a filled order.

Mary Margaret sighs and Emma looks at her.

“So, have you decided what you’d like to do? I know a few job openings in town. Granny owes me a few favors. I could ask her if she’d like another waitress.”

Emma glances over as Ruby does her job and shrugs her shoulders. “I… I guess I could. I haven’t really thought about it.”

Mary Margaret smiles softly at her. “It’s okay. You have time to figure that out.”

She’d like to argue that she really doesn’t. She has a kid and she has to pay for food and for rent. There isn’t much space for _figuring it out_.

“Yeah.” Emma settles on, forcing a smile as Ruby returns with their waters.

///

Killian comes home at five and Emma has two plates of spaghetti on their little table. She has Henry bouncing in his bouncer while the television sits on low, playing a cartoon that Henry could probably care less about.

“Hey, babe,” Emma says, popping a piece of garlic bread into her mouth. “How was your day?”

Killian smiles widely as he unlaces his boots by the door. “It was _fantastic_.”

Emma hums happily. She grabs her glass of water from the counter and carries it to the dinner table. She settles her hand on her hip and tilts her head to the side as Killian immediately goes to Henry for a kiss and a giggle.

“Hi, my boy,” Killian murmurs, leaving a kiss to his head. “Were you good today? Hm? For Mummy?”

“Papa, Papa, Papa,” Henry babbles happily, a giggle slipping past his throat.

Killian hums a laugh. He kisses Henry’s cheeks and then pulls himself up to his feet.

The way he stares at her reminds her of the way he’d stared at the ocean when they first came to Maine. He crosses the room to her and settles his hands on her hips, making her smile up at him.

“He was good today. We had a lot of action, actually.”

KIllian arches his eyebrow. “You did?”

Emma nods. “Yeah. We went to see about daycare and we went to Granny’s to meet Mary Margaret for lunch.”

Her stomach twists anxiously. She hadn’t told him about the daycare idea, and she’s a little worried he’s not on the same page as she is.

“Daycare?” he asks.

“Yeah.” Emma nods. “I was just thinking, like, after I get a job, he can start going to daycare. I’m not sure how long-”

He smiles at her. “Yeah. I think that’s smart.” He leans in for a chaste kiss, and glances over at the table. “Spaghetti! No way.”

Emma chuckles. “It’s your favorite kind. I didn’t add the gross sauce.”

“ _Yes_!” Killian cheers, pumping his fist as he pulls out her chair for her.

Her heart flutters at the action and she sinks down into her seat, setting her water down on the table. Killian sits down next to her and they exchange soft smiles.

“So work was _fantastic_.” Emma says.

Killian hums as he has a bite of his pasta. “It was great. I got to take the ship out around the harbor for a little while at the end of the day and Smee gave me a few books to read on her and the town.”

Emma smiles as he continues to talk. He’s so excited about everything that he keeps gesturing with his hands and she can tell that he’s absolutely in his element. He’s _happy_ and he’s making the absolute best of their move here.

She squeezes his hand on the table to tell him she’s glad that he’s having so much fun fitting into his place here and they talk through the rest of their days, laughing when Henry starts talking over them.

They clean the dishes in relative silence, listening to the show while Henry makes all kinds of noise in his bouncer.

Emma washes off the dishes, then hands them to Killian to dry them and set them on the rack, and when they’re finished, Killian leaves a kiss to her temple and goes to have a shower to clean the day off of his skin.

Emma feeds Henry and reads him a story as she sits in the rocking chair in his nursery, and he’s soon fast asleep in her arms. She sets him in his crib and then leaves his bedroom for her own.

It’s early for bed, but Emma feels _tired_. Tired of this day. Tired of not knowing what she’s doing. Tired of feeling like she’s not going to figure it out.

She throws on her sweats and lays on top of the covers, turned away from the bathroom so she doesn’t have to see it when Killian emerges.

For some reason she starts thinking about the past few weeks and months as a whole and then she’s hit with a horrifying realization: she’s _late_.

Emma thrusts herself up so she’s sitting and panic rushes through her veins as she starts pacing around the bedroom. She starts cursing under her breath until Killian comes out of the bathroom, and when he does, Emma stops moving, her eyes blown wide as he enters the room.

He narrows his eyes at her upon seeing the look on her face. “What’s wrong, love?”

He’s in his jeans and a new tee shirt. His hair is dripping wet and he smells really good.

“I… Killian, I’m late.” Her breath catches in her throat and she drags her hands up into her hair, shaking her head. “Shit, Killian. I can’t- I _refuse_ to be pregnant again.”

She starts pacing all over again and Killian gapes at her, clearly not have anticipated her to drop this on him. “How late are you?”

Emma stops to count and shakes her head. “Almost two weeks now?”

Killian closes his eyes and presses a hand to the back of his head. “Alright. Okay. I’ll go… get you a test? Would that make things right? A test?”

Emma nods her head as tears well up in them. “Yeah.”

Killian holds her gaze for a few lingering seconds and then steps up to her. He presses a hand to the side of her face and gazes at her lovingly. “Emma, it’s going to be alright. Either way.”

Her stomach is in knots and she feels like she could probably pass out, but she nods and Killian kisses her forehead. “I’ll be right back, sweetheart. Think of good things.”

And then he’s gone, grabbing his keys, sticking his feet into his boots, and closing the door in his wake.

She sits on the floor with her head against the mattress, trying to think of good things, like the way sunlight makes Killian look in the early morning when they’re sleeping in, or the giggle of her son when he’s being tickled.

She thinks about the afternoon they’d spent at the ocean, with Henry laughing as the waves tickled his toes, and her heart feels content, but then the door opens again.

Emma rises to her feet and Killian holds out a plastic bag, nodding as he enters their bedroom. “I didn’t know which I should purchase, so I bought three kinds.”

She swallows a breath and smiles weakly. “Thank you.” She takes the bag from his extended hand and releases a heavy breath. “Alright. I’ll go take the test and…”

“Right.”

Emma’s stomach jerks and she closes her eyes when she turns around to walk to the bathroom.

She decides in this moment to be brave, and she holds her head high as she removes the tests from their packaging.

She doesn’t leave while she waits for the results. She sinks back against the door after washing her hands almost too thoroughly, and stares at the counter where the tests are waiting for her.

Emma tries to not picture a life with two small children in it, because that _can’t_ be her story. That can’t be who she is. She’s not that teenage mother that couldn’t control her libido. She’s _not_.

She’d wanted to wait until they were older to have this conversation with Killian. Preferably, they’d be married, and they’d have a solid source of income, and they would be living in a house with space for a little addition. And they’d actually talk about adding to their family before being thrust into this awkward position.

“Emma, are you alright?” Killian’s voice is timid from the other side of the door and she closes her eyes tight.

“Yeah,” she says, her voice cracking as she forces herself to stand. “I’m… I had to wait a few minutes.”

Killian’s quiet. “Oh. Is it… time yet?”

Emma stares at herself in the mirror, finding dark circles under her eyes, and bites down on her lip as she adjusts her hair, tucking loose strands behind her ears after throwing it up above her head.

Her heart skips a beat when she catches the barest glimpse of the tests sitting there on the counter waiting for her and she inhales deep.

“Yeah. It’s time.”

“Would you like me there?” he asks quietly.

Emma considers it for only a few seconds. She’s not sure how she’d react, either way, and having him with her might be worse in either scenario. “No, it’s fine.”

She sucks in a deep breath, steadies her shoulders, and counts to three, and then, she looks down at the counter.

“Oh, thank God,” she breathes, the weight lifting from her body when she finds all three tests telling her the same thing.

Emma unlocks the bathroom door and opens it, finding her boyfriend standing there looking worried, his hair a wild mess as if he’s been raking his fingers through it.

He looks expectantly nervous, and Emma shakes her head at him. “I’m not pregnant.”

Killian releases a heavy breath and closes his eyes, nodding. “Alright. Okay.”

He opens his eyes and she sees relief there. It’s good knowing they were on the same page, she figures, but part of her had started to get used to the idea, and as she throws the tests into the trash, she throws that away, too.

When she turns around again and shuts the light off, Killian asks, “Are you okay?”

Emma nods her head. “Yeah. I… I didn’t want to have another baby yet. I haven’t even had my first legal drink yet.”

Killian smirks a little and she reaches for his hand as they walk toward their bedroom. His thumb caresses her knuckle and they both sit on the edge of the bed for a few quiet seconds before they both decide to lie down on top of the covers, staring up at the blank ceiling with a heavy quiet settling in over them.

She’s not tired, not anymore, thanks to the adrenaline rush of maybe being pregnant all over again.

“Who am I?” Emma asks, the silence of the room becoming deafening.

Killian turns his head to face her, and she does the same, fear rushing through her veins and keeping her heart fluttering rapidly.

He smiles, narrowing his eyes at her. “You’re Emma Swan. You’re Henry’s mum. You’re my best friend.”

She feels like she’s dirty, as if she needs to rip out of her own skin, and she shakes her head as a hard lump forms in her throat. “No. I don’t know who I _am_.”

As Killian stares back at her, his smile fades into a frown and his eyes fall, as if he’s thinking the same thing she is. He clenches his jaw. “I know how you feel.”

Emma swallows and her heart aches. “We’re so young, Killian. I dropped out of high school and got my GED in prison instead.” She bites at her lip. “I don’t have any real friends other than you and I don’t… I don’t know what I’m good at and I don’t know what I want to be. Am I anything? Can I be? Or am I just doomed to being a housewife with a million babies?”

Killian gives her a look. “Emma, you’re not… as happy as having children with you would make me, I assure you we would never have a _million_ of them.”

She studies him for a few long moments. Her voice is a quiet murmur, “Are you upset that I’m not pregnant?”

“No,” he says immediately. “I had a panic attack the second you told me you were late. It’s not time, Swan. Neither of us is ready for another baby. One is hard enough as it is.”

Emma nods in agreement. “Yeah.” They stare at each other silently for a few moments. “When we’re older. When Henry’s in school. At least.”

Killian smiles a little and nods his head. “Aye. After you’ve figured out where you belong.”

Her heart flips at his words and she closes her eyes, pressing her hands over them for a few seconds. “I don’t know how-”

“Well, what did you want to do when we were kids?” Killian asks.

She feels him move closer to her and his arm drapes around her middle as his forehead touches hers. Emma takes a soft breath.

“I don’t know,” she whispers.

“Come now. You know. Tell me what it is you dreamt of. Tell me about your wildest dreams, Emma.”

Emma’s hand settles over Killian’s chest and she shakes her head.

“I don’t know. I… I wanted to find my parents. That’s all I really ever wanted. I just wanted to ask them why they didn’t think I was worth enough to them to keep.” Tears well up in her eyes and she bites on her lower lip. “But I don’t think I’ll ever find them.”

Killian is quiet and he takes a deep breath that she can feel on her palm. He finds her eyes and stares into them. “I think you’re worth _everything_ , Emma. They were wrong to ever abandon you, but… think about it like this: we would never have met if they hadn’t.”

Emma nods her head. “Yeah.”

Her glasses start to get foggy, so she removes them in her frustration, setting them down on her nightstand. She turns back to Killian and murmurs, “I still feel lost. Like I’m just stuck here with Henry and that’s all I’m ever going to be good at. Moving here was supposed to make things new and better and I can’t- _who am I_?”

She starts to get overwhelmed, and Killian must know, because he’s soothing when he says, “Maybe you need to just try things out. Anything at all. See if you’re good at it. That way you can figure out your place here.”

Emma’s fingers go to his cheek and she draws lines over the scratch of his day-old beard. It’s very light as it is. She sometimes thinks she’d like to see what he looks like with a full beard, but he likes to keep it trimmed, so she doesn’t say anything about it.

“Maybe.”

Killian searches her eyes and she can tell he’s worried about her. He gathers her up in his arms as he turns onto his back and she eases into him, her legs curling up beside him as her arm goes across his chest to hold onto him tight.

“We’re in this together,” he whispers. “Good or bad. And I know it feels like you can’t find yourself here, for whatever reason, but… give it time. Don’t feel like it has to happen overnight. Let’s just… have a little fun, you know?”

He laughs then, and Emma smiles at the way his chest lifts. “We’re allowed to have fun. We’re barely adults.”

Emma hums as she props her head up on his chest. “Yeah.”

She’s not prepared for it when he tickles her, and she has to bite on her tongue to prevent from squealing. Laughter spills from their lips as they tickle each other, and Emma pushes herself to her feet when she grabs her pillow from the head of the bed.

Killian gasps when she smacks him and then he’s up, too, and they’re suddenly having a pillow fight that leads them crashing back down onto the bed, their limbs a tangled mess, and their breathing ragged.

“I won,” she says, grinning from her spot on top of him.

He laughs heavily and lifts her hand from his shoulder to kiss her palm. “I let you win.”

Emma bursts out into laughter, scrunching her nose up at him as she adjusts herself so she’s facing him again. “Yeah, right.”

His eyebrows dance and Emma puts her hand on his cheek. “I love you.”

“I love you too.”

///

Emma takes a job as a waitress at Granny’s. It’s not her favorite choice, but she has really no other options when she considers the short list Mary Margaret had offered her.

It takes a few weeks of working for her to get bored.

Henry’s birthday is today and she and Killian had both been so sad having to take him in to daycare, but Anna had snuggled him and given them assurance that they’d celebrate too.

She and Killian got him a few toys that they haven’t wrapped yet and they don’t even have a semblance of a party or anything. They don’t even have cake, much less candles, but with them both working as many hours as they can in order to make ends meet, it’s not like they’ve had much time to talk about such things.

But he’s _one_ and he’s so much bigger than she’d thought a one-year-old could be and her heart aches when she remembers the day she’d given birth to him, all chained up to her hospital bed, crying out and sobbing when he’d come crying into the world.

She’d held him and kissed him as much as she possibly could, and she’d promised him that day that she’d love him, even when he wasn’t with her. She promised him a home, and she’s thankful that she and Killian have been able to give it to him.

“So we don’t even have a cake,” Emma sighs as she slumps down across from Mary Margaret at her favorite table for breakfast. “And it’s his first birthday ever and we can’t see him until five.”

Mary Margaret’s brow creases sadly. “Oh, Emma.” She reaches across the table and takes Emma’s hand. “You know, on the positive side, he doesn’t know it’s his birthday. He’s one.”

“It’s just the principle of it,” Emma shakes her head. “I don’t know. Growing up birthdays were kind of… forgotten for me. Killian always remembered. He always had something for me. And I want things to be better for my son, because I want the best for him, you know?”

Mary Margaret bobs her head. “I completely understand.”

Emma glances up when a new customer walks into the diner. She pulls herself to her feet and sighs. “I’ll be back. Gotta take care of this guy.”

She takes a few steps toward the counter, where the guy stands, looking shifty as all get out as he plucks a pastry from the counter case. He pulls it into his jacket as if it’s no big deal, all the while staring straight at her, and then just starts walking out of the diner as if he hadn’t come in in the first place.

Emma’s eyes grow wide and she sets her notepad down on Mary Margaret’s table. “Hey! Wait! You gotta pay for that!”

The guy takes off running, and before Emma knows what’s happening, she’s rushing outside, chasing after the guy wearing a leather jacket with his hair cut short.

He probably thinks he’s so cool, stealing from a tiny diner like Granny’s.

“Stop!” she calls out after him, her feet pounding against the sidewalk as fast as she can go.

They’re heading toward the docks after a slight turn, and she’s surprised, but at the same time not at all, when she sees Killian casually walking her way.

He gives her a confused look, but Emma just shakes her head and keeps running after the guy with the stolen baked goods. “Can’t explain!”

“What-?”

She’s out of breath and she should probably give up, because there are honestly better ways of handling this, but this guy had the nerve of looking her _in the eye_ as he stole the cookies from Granny’s counter, and that makes this personal.

Emma finally closes in on him as they’re running ever closer to the docks, and she immediately reaches out when she thinks she can make it, tugging him slow enough that she can pounce on him.

“Gotcha,” she says, panting as she traps him by his hands over his head and her legs pinned around his hips. A smile peels at her lips and the man squirms, a look on his face reading guilt.

“Bloody hell,” he says. “You don’t give up. You a cop or somethin’?”

His accent is thick through his deep breaths and Emma laughs, a light airy sound as she stares him in the eyes.

“No. I’m not a cop.”

“Then what in the name of all that’s good and holy in this world are you doing chasing me through town, mate?” the man snaps, making her give him a sharp look.

“I saw you. You _looked_ at me. Give me the cookies, _mate_.”

The man clenches his jaw and huffs out a few long breaths before she releases one of his hands so he can dig into his jacket pocket. He struggles to pull out the cookies, crumbling into pieces as they hit his chest.

Emma winces. “Okay, so you don’t need to give them to me. Just pay for them.”

“Make up your mind, oh my gods!” the man complains. “And would ya just climb off me already? I’m not going anyplace fast.”

Emma narrows her eyes at him in warning. “Okay. You gotta pay up, though.”

“I will.” He says through gritted teeth when Emma tightens her hold on his wrist.

She climbs off of the man and stares down at him, her tongue darting out to wet her lips just as Killian jogs up to the pair of them.

“Emma, what happened?” he asks, a worried look in his eyes that’s easily betrayed by the slight amazement she sees there, too. It’s clear that her tackling this random guy onto the ground was just the slightest bit arousing for him, and she has to smirk because of it.

Emma watches as the criminal on the ground rises to his feet. “He stole from Granny’s. I came after him to get the money he owes.”

It’s then that a squad car with its siren and lights blaring comes whipping down the alley toward them.

“Oh, just bloody perfect. You _are_ a cop, aren’t you?” the man asks, dusting his arms and legs off as the car pulls to a stop. “Calling in your reinforcements? Damn it all to hell.”

David climbs out of the car and approaches, his arms folding across his chest. “What seems to be the problem, Emma?”

She takes a deep breath and tosses her thumb at the man beside her. “This guy stole from Granny. I’m just trying to get the money he owes her for what he stole.”

David sighs. “Scarlet, honestly, you’d think after two weeks of this you’d get the hint.”

“I wasn’t guilty any of the other times!” the man exclaims, throwing his arms out. “I just took some cookies from Granny ‘cos she owes ‘em to me.”

Emma gives the man a look as David says, “Alright, Will. Give Emma the money owed and we’ll be heading to the station.”

Will groans. She watches as he digs into his pants pocket for a wad of dollar bills and coins. He hands Emma a few and she nods her head at him. “Thank you. Was that so hard?”

He grunts under his breath and walks toward David, his wrists pressed together in front of him. “Let’s go, Sheriff. I’ve got a date tonight.”

“A _date_? I sure hope she likes you because you might not make that date tonight.” David laughs, slapping the handcuffs onto the man’s wrists.

He claps him on the back and opens up the back door to the squad car. David pushes his head down and sits him into the backseat, then closes the door and turns toward Emma.

“I’m sorry about him. He’s one of my favorite guests at the station, as I’m sure you can tell.”

Emma laughs. “Yeah.”

David’s eyes crinkle at the corners and he stands there, his hands on his hips. “You know… you’d make a good cop, Emma. Have you ever considered police work?”

Emma holds her mouth open. She looks between David and Killian, and then shakes her head. “I- I don’t know.”

“Well,” David shrugs. “There’s an opening at the station. You’d need training, but that’s what the academy is for, right?”

Emma watches David as he nods his head at them, a smile spreading on her lips as he bids them goodbye.

David speeds off with Will Scarlet in his backseat and Emma looks down at her hand, still clutching the cash the criminal had handed to her. She slowly turns to Killian and he shakes his head.

“Well, that was interesting.” Killian tips his head back toward the alley. “I’ll walk you back to work.”

Emma takes a steadying breath and nods her head. They start to walk in silence and then Emma says, “I think… I think I want to do that. I want to go to the academy and become a police officer.”

Killian stops walking and she does too, finding his eyes wide and his jaw hanging open. “Are you… Swan, you-”

“My records are sealed,” she tells him. “And I figure it’ll take a few years for me to get into the academy. But… that was _fun_. Chasing him down and catching him. That was fun.”

Killian laughs, reaching up to scratch the back of his head. “Well, they do say you should enjoy what you do.”

She bites on her lip and shrugs her shoulders, tilting her head slightly. “So can I do it?”

He laughs again and nods. “Aye. Of course. I want you to be happy. If that’s how you’ll be happy, so be it. I know you’re miserable working at Granny’s, no matter how kind that woman is to us.”

Emma surges forward and wraps her arms around his neck. He grunts softly at the impact and his arms go around her as her legs bend upward. “Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.”

She presses a kiss to his lips and sets her feet down on the ground, swaying with him, a big smile on her lips as she stares up at him. “I would move mountains for you, do you know that?”

“Mountains?” she asks, lifting an eyebrow. “Actual mountains?”

Killian smiles at her, laughing under his breath. “Yes. Actual, gigantic, massive mountains. I would probably die in the process-”

Emma laughs, smacking him in his chest as she moves alongside him again so she can walk to work. “You can’t die because we haven’t finished decorating the apartment and Henry hasn’t had his birthday yet.”

“Oh, okay,” Killian sighs dramatically. “Then I suppose tomorrow will be better to start moving a mountain for you.”

Emma nudges him in his hip and he wraps his arm around her to hold her tight. He leaves a kiss to her temple. “Things are working themselves out. What did I say?”

“You said it would be okay here,” she says. “And everything is okay. We just have a one year old that won’t have any cake at his birthday party.”

Killian hums. “I think I can fix that.”

///

It’s a great celebration.

Mary Margaret, David, Anna, Elsa, and Belle all come to Henry’s birthday party after work, and Emma manages to wrap Henry’s presents before he tears them open again. Mary Margaret gives Henry a pair of shoes that she’d purchased on her way to their apartment after work. The girls from daycare give Henry some books and a new stuffed teddy.

Henry’s quite spoiled for a one-year-old, and Killian thinks it’s a good thing, because for the most part, he doesn’t have much, but what he does have is _good_.

They’d all decided to show up on their own terms. Mary Margaret dragged David to their apartment because of the cake, and the girls from the daycare came when Emma told them that they’d be having a tiny get together at their place.

Henry’s happy, sitting there in his high chair when Emma and Killian bring him his birthday cake, crafted by Granny herself. He doesn’t know how to blow out his candle, so, after singing happy birthday, Killian blows out the candle for him, and they all cheer nonetheless.

Emma takes pictures and videos and for the first time since they’ve moved to Storybrooke, it feels like a home.

Everyone loves on Henry until he falls asleep, and Killian doesn’t think Henry has ever had so many friends around him before in his life. The same could go for him, and for Emma, too.

While they’re still new to Storybrooke, things have started looking up. They’ve found their place here. Back in Arizona, they had just been living for the day-to-day. He’d been waiting for Emma to get out of prison for his life to truly begin, and she’d been waiting for something _more_ to ignite a passion in her heart.

She’s laughing at something David tells her as she clears the table, and he thinks it’s a gorgeous sight. David makes sure to get her to tell the group gathered about her heroic efforts regarding Will Scarlet and the Case of the Stolen Cookies, and Emma just giggles and blushes her way through the retelling.

He thinks she’s a bloody hero for it. He’d been madly confused when he’d gotten off a little later than usual for lunch and found her charging down the street toward a man he’d only seen a few times around town.

But the look on her face, triumphant, as she leaned over the thief, is likely the most beautiful look he’s ever seen on her. That’s why he knows it’s something she loves. Because sometimes she looks at him like that, with such raw passion in her eyes and a smile spread impossibly wide.

And when everyone leaves, they head into Henry’s nursery together. Night has fallen, after a few hours of laughs and stories shared, and of friendships blossomed. Killian thinks Henry’s first birthday could not have possibly gone better.

Emma curls up against him and releases a sigh. “That was chaotic. But… it was good.”

“Aye,” Killian smiles a little. “Henry seemed to have a great time.”

Their son is sleeping in his crib as they stare down at him, his fingers clutched around his favorite teddy bear. His breathing is deep and he looks peaceful.

Emma hums happily. “He did. He’s one. Did you know that? _One_.”

Killian chuckles. He tightens his hold on her and leaves a kiss to her forehead. “I think his first year has gone quite well. He’s made loads of new friends. He has his own bedroom.”

“He has favorite food,” Emma murmurs.

“Aye,” Killian smiles. “And he’s fallen in love.” Emma pulls back a little, arching an eyebrow in question, and he just pecks her nose. “With the sea. You worry far too much. He’s _one_ , remember.”

Emma sighs and releases him, instead reaching for his fingers as they decide to leave the nursery together.

“So… we kind of have _friends_ now,” Emma says as they walk out into the living area.

Killian chuckles. “I suppose we do, don’t we?”

Emma bites down on her lower lip when she turns to him. Their palms touch and she clasps their fingers together tightly.

“So, I was going to wait until our anniversary, but our anniversary is _forever_ away, thanks to a certain someone who refused to ask me out on a date the minute he had a chance-”

Killian gives her a look. “Hey!”

Emma laughs. “Anyway.” She tilts her head toward their bedroom. “I have some pictures and I want you to hang them in our bedroom.”

She drags him into their bedroom and he finds a few photographs they’d taken on their trip to Maine made bigger in frames resting on top of their bed. He smiles at the sight of them, all of the images filled with such joy, and he looks up at Emma with a smile on his lips.

“Where would you like them to go?”

Emma shrugs her shoulders and points to the wall above their bed. “Maybe these two of us here? And the family picture over on this wall, above the dresser?”

“Aye. That should work beautifully.”

He hangs the pictures and Emma watches, and when he joins her to study his handiwork, she wraps her arms around his middle and looks up at him.

“Moving here was a good choice,” she whispers. “I’m really happy here. I’m really happy with you.”

Killian can’t help but grin. “Aye.” He lowers his lips to hers chastely. “I’m really happy with you too.”


End file.
